Shingeki no Kyojin

Chapter Seven

As they fought, all that clouded my mind was an undisguisable anger and grief. I sat there holding Petra. I look up to see Annie go to bite Eren's nape. I stand up but the grief is so strong that I sit back down. I watch as Annie runs off with Eren. I failed... I failed to protect the ones I truly care about. I hear the "Zzzt" of ODM gear and I turn and see Levi and Mikasa. Levi looks at the body I'm holding and his eyes express a sadness that he can't hide. I look up tears streaming down my face and blood on my uniform. "I-It's all my fault if only I had fought with them I could've saved them. And if only I wasn't so weak I could have saved Eren... I'm a failure." Levi looks at me and sighs. "Cadet, you made the choice to save Eren and trust your comrades. Their sacrifices will not be in vain if you keep fighting." I look at him "When the time is right I'll reveal something very important."
I stand up holding Petra in my arms. I look down at her lifeless eyes and I swallow my saliva. My eye twitches. "I-I no she's not dead!" "Cadet..." "No! She's not dead! I won't believe it!" Levi grabs my arm and pulls me to him. "Kumi, she's gone. You saw it happen. Accept it." I start pounding my fists on his chest crying and screaming no over and over. By this time I'm guessing Mikasa went after Annie and Eren. Levi pulls me away from Petra and I start screaming pounding my fists on his chest. "No no no!" Levi sighs and throws me over his shoulder. I start kicking and flailing, Mikasa comes back carrying a saliva covered Eren. Mikasa looks at Levi and asks. "Is there something I missed Shorty?" Levi rolls his eyes and we go back. I'm still crying as Petra's body slowly fades into the distance. I sit in the wagon beside Eren. His head was in my lap. I was in shock. I couldn't accept that she was dead. A part of me was screaming at me saying accept it and that I even said goodbye. But another part of me couldn't accept she was gone. I would like to think that they put Eren's head in my lap as a way to keep me from going off the deep end. But it wasn't really helping. I just sat there and when Eren woke up he immediately hugs me. He strokes my hair and holds me close. I start sobbing uncontrollably and I know Eren must be shocked that me, who's so cold, calm, and emotionless, has broke like a porcelain doll. I bury my face in his chest as I remember all the people that have died because of me. Marco, Oluo, Eld, Gunther, Petra, and more... I think backwards to how many people have died because of me and I come to the conclusion. "250'250." I accidently say aloud. Eren looks at me confused. I just shake my head. "Nothing." I wipe the tears from my eyes and face. I was angry at not just myself but also at Annie. She took someone no... Not just one person but almost the entirety of my Squad.
She even took Eren from me. No one does that without paying the price. I glare at the sky vowing silently that I will kill her or make or pay for what she I sit up and pull Eren close to me murmuring things even I can't remember or hear. All I know is that Eren relaxed as he listened to the sound of my heart. I hold him close as we ride through the streets hearing people mocking and jeering at us. They made fun of our failures. I ignore them not wanting to be even more hurt. But fate had other plans. Petra's Dad runs up waving a letter and talking on and on to Levi. Levi doesn't answer but then her Dad sees me and runs up to me smiling. "How's Petra? She mentions you a lot! And how you two are best friends! She even mentioned that when she gets married she wants you to be the maid of honor! I personally think she's too young-" I interrupt him by bursting into tears. He looks at me as Levi, Eren, and Hange come to my side hugging me. "Don't talk about her!" "Why, she's my daughter?" "She's dead! And it's all my fault!" I cry out before burying my face in Hange's shoulder.
I cry and cry, unable to hold the tears back. I cry so much that I fall asleep on Hange's shoulder. I don't remember shit until being woken up by Erwin. "We need to talk now." I sit up realizing I'm in the infirmary. I hear Eren yelling "She just woke up! You think she wants to be burdened with all these questions?!" I look around and hear Levi. "No I don't think she does but she even told me herself that when the time was right she'd reveal important information. And this could mean she knows who the enemy is." I hear them arguing and Erwin speaks up. "Do you know who the enemy is? Who is the Female Titan?" I gulp, well it looks like I have to spill. I nod and speak in a quavering voice. "Annie, she's the Female Titan..." Erwin sighs "I thought so. Armin also brought it to my attention. We have a plan already." I sit up. "Let me help!" "No, you're injured not just physically but mentally as well." "I'm fine! Let me help!" "If you can move around the room without leaning on anything then fine." I swing my legs around to get off the bed. I place my feet on the ground and stand up. I walk around not leaning on anything. I knew how to hide injuries and this was no different. Erwin sighs. "I guess you can go." I nod. "Thank you Commander." He nods and leaves. Eren and Levi come into the room but Hange intercepts them and hugs me. "How are you feeling!?" "I'm fine, just still angry about Petra's death."
Hange nods "That's understandable you two were quite close even despite your cold personality." I nod. And look away. "I don't approve of you coming on this mission." I look back at Levi and sigh. "I don't care. I'm going. This is my fault anyways! If I had just intervened then your Squad would still be alive! So just go ahead and say it's my fault! We all know it is!" They all look away. "JUST TELL ME ALREADY!" I yell out and they look at me shocked. "Stop trying to make me feel better!" I run off crying. Remembering all the good times me and Petra had.