Shingeki no Kyojin

Chapter Eight

I get outside and I sink to my knees sobbing. I bury my face in my hands crying like a little baby. "It's all my fault... If I had never come to Paradis with them or convinced us to all go back she- no they would still be alive. It's all my fault. Those innocent people from the Shiganshina district died because I came here. Their blood is on my hands. This is all my fault. How can I fix this? How do I make up for all the lives lost due to me?" I hug my knees to my chest crying loudly. I didn't care anymore. I was broken. I sniffle and look up when I hear a familiar voice. "Why do you cry? I'm sorry I left but it was for the best." I smile sadly seeing a figment of Petra. I reach out to try and touch her but my hand goes right through her. "Petra... Please don't go! I need you! Please! Don't leave me again..." Petra kneels in front of me, going to touch me. She felt like a mist, cold and light. "I'm sorry Kumi..."
She gets up and starts to walk away and I run after her to the forest in the middle of the night tears falling down my face and to the ground as the wind blows them off my cheeks. I follow her as far as to a lake where she floats across the water and turns back to look at me. She smiles sadly and softly before floating up and disappearing. I stand thigh deep in the freezing cold water before sinking to my knees becoming chest deep in the water. And I scream. I scream in anguish because the one person who made me feel like I actually had a big sister was gone because of me. "It's amazing how someone can break your heart, and you can still love them with all the little pieces..." I manage to say between cries. I hear footsteps running towards me and splashing of people running through the water. I feel arms wrap around me holding me close and soft words of comfort and I break down all over again sobbing into their arms. "Why couldn't it have been me instead of her? Why... Just why..." I hear Eren say. "The world is a cruel and beautiful place, Kumi. It takes people early sometimes and leaves us heartbroken but you have to keep fighting. You can't bargain with the world." I hear Levi now. "The brat is right. I always say, "We can't always carry our fallen comrades home, but we carry their memory." I look up and see the kind eyes of Eren, Hange, and Levi. I bury my face in their chest, shivering badly. Hange speaks up. "Let's get you out of this cold water." They help me up and support me as we walk back to HQ. I lean on them shivering and Levi wraps his cloak around me. "At this rate you're going to get pneumonia."
They walk faster and because my legs went numb from the freezing water I have a hard time keeping up. Hange looks at me and notices I'm having hard time keeping up so she squats down and Levi helps me onto her back. I wrap my arms around her so I won't fall off but even still it takes a little bit to get back to HQ. People look at the four of us when we walk in and start to whisper. I shake my head and put on my normal demeanor. I may break down and cry like a baby with certain people but not when people who admire me or are intimidated by me are watching. I take a deep breath and slide off Hange's back stumbling. "Ungh-" I try not to fall but I almost fall to my knees. I sigh and stumble to my room, my clothes dripping wet. I change out of my wet clothes and head to the shower. I come out of the shower and change into a simple nightgown. I was going to go to sleep when my stomach growled. I sigh and walk to the mess hall. I get food and sit down. Eren sits beside me and looks at the small portion of food I got. "You need to eat more." "I'm not too hungry." I say in between bites of food. Eren just stares at me. I finish what's on my plate and go to wash it when Eren puts a hand on my shoulder. "Here have some of mine." I shake my head but he keeps trying so I give in and eat some more. Eren zones out while looking at me and I blush softly. I look away and keep eating. I finish eating and stand up. Eren stands up as well. I walk to the kitchen and wash my plate then walk to my room. Eren follows and I turn around. "Eren are you okay?" "You forget we sleep in the same hall so I have to go this way." I look away embarrassed. "Yeah I did-" I say softly before heading to my room. "Goodnight Eren." I say with a soft smile. "Goodnight Kumi." He heads in his room and I head in mine.
I walk over to my bed and lay down. I rest my eyes and fall asleep. But it would be a restless night for me. My sleep was plagued by nightmares and memories that I didn't want to remember. "I was running. But from what? Why was I running? Wait- I look around seeing broken bodies and dying people. No! I pass by the bodies of my comrades seeing Marco, Petra, Oluo, Eld, Gunther, Armin, Mikasa, Sasha, Connie, Jean, and even Reiner laying dead on the ground beneath me as I run. No no no! I had to keep running. Something in me was telling me to run. I finally make it to a clearing where I see Eren's Titan fighting. I take off running to him when I trip over something- No not something someone. I feel a pair of hands grab my ankles making me fall and I look down seeing Hange and Levi dying and I panic kicking them away. 'EREN! I'M COMING JUST HANG ON!' I ran after him and the Titan he was fighting. But it felt like a million hands were trying to stop me from reaching him. I keep struggling and kicking the hands off. I almost make it when this time all the hands grab me and hold me back. I watch as the Titan overpowers Eren and kills him. I scream and scream until- " "KUMI! Hey! Hey! Wake up!" I wake up panting and sweating "EREN!" I wrap my arms around him, hugging him. "Shhh. It's okay now. I'm here." I bury my face in his chest breathing in that comforting smell. Eren strokes my hair holding me close. He sits on my bed pulling me onto his lap. I sit there crying softly, my hands curled up against his chest. He felt so warm, so safe, so calm. We eventually fell asleep in eachothers arms.