♡//Holding My Breath//♡

This Isn't A Circus

Warnings:

FyoLai (Nikolai x Fyodor)

This Chapter mostly focuses on Fyodor and Nikolai/their lore (and their gayness)

Implied cannibalism

Gay obvi

My Koyla is FTM in this AU, so it's implied that he used to be a she but is validly a he :3

I hope you enjoy </3

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           Fyodor was just peacefully minding his business during class when he heard Nikolai's laugh ringing in the halls. "Koyla?" He mutters, confused. He knew he was crazy, but this had never happened. He usually only talks to rats, not echoing voices. He ignored it but then: the fire alarm rang. Koyla's voice and a fire? Yup, that checks out.

A/N— I couldn't find an MHA general studies teacher, so I made one instead. His name is Gyatt Sensei and he is 69 years old. So, uh...Yuh.

         Gyatt Sensei brings all the general studies out of the room, everybody in UA moving out of the building in a "calmly" manner...
         "OUT OF MY WAY, EXTRAS!" The two angry dogs (Bakugo and Chuuya) said in sync. They weren't about to die in a fire.

(William Afton ref?! 😲)

         "Oh, Chuuya..." Fyodor walks up to the ginger, placing a gloved hand onto his shoulder. Chuuya stops dead in his tracks, shocked, scared even. "Fyodor...Wh–What do you want from me?" Before the Russian got to answer, Dazai shoved him into the lockers. "Well well, this sure is a sight. Haven't seen you in a good minute, Fedya!" Fyodor groans, rolling his eyes. "I'd like to keep it that way." Dazai smirks, cracking his knuckles. "So would I...Looks like your little friend is here. Why don't you bother him instead?" All of a sudden, Nikolai runs towards the group, throwing his arms around Fyodor. "Fedya!~" He smiles widely with his sharp teeth, gripping onto Fyodor's coat. Chuuya looks away, a bit jealous. Not of Nikolai, but of their relationship. He wishes he could've had that with Fyodor, or even Dazai. My guy can't catch a break with these toxic ass bfs.
          "Ah, Koyla...How nice it is to see you." Fyodor smiles. Not a real smile, but at least it fools Nikolai. It wasn't hard for Dazai to see through, obviously. Fyodor wasn't even trying to hide it. Nikolai was always a bit oblivious to reality. "Well, I guess we should go...I hope you 2 have fun." Dazai smiles as well, walking off with Chuuya to meet the rest of their class. Fyodor looks at Nikolai and smiles, grazing his nails over the jester's cheek. A shiver runs down the white haired male's spine, suddenly feeling uneasy. But that was a normal occurrence for anyone who's in the presence of the infamous Dostoevsky. Putting himself above all others with a horrible God complex. Thankfully for the Russian, there was a certain jester who seemed to worship him.
       Nikolai smiles, a looking of insanity flashing in his eterochromiatic eyes. The beautiful hues of blue and green swirling within him. Being just acknowledged by his lover was too much for him, an overwhelming sense of...of obsession. Obsession is what it was. He was torn between wanting to be free and wanted to be a slave to Fyodor's design. It may sound silly, but it really was a hard choice for him. The man you've known and loved your whole life, or being free? It tore him apart, which was so troubling for his age. Honestly, 15 was a bit too early for anyone to be making such huge desicions.
         Fyodor, pulling Nikolai into a gentle embrace, whispers. "How would you like for us to go somewhere private, Koyla?" Nikolai gulps, knowing exactly what that means. He knows he likes Fyodor's touch, he really does. But at the same time, it just felt wrong sometimes. Especially since he so desperately hated his body. His wrong body. He was trapped in this wretched form, and it was just the worst. "Oh, uhm...Sure, we can...go somewhere private.." He hesitantly agrees, trailing behind an eager Fyodor to an empty classroom. Nikolai follows Fyodor's lead, slowly unbuttoning his top. He signed and let it happen. This was consensual, because he could've said no. Fyodor would've stopped. He could've said something, anything. Why didn't he? Why couldn't he just say no...
         No, it wasn't his fault. It wasn't. He remembers now. The first time, the last time, he'd ever said no to that man he called his beloved. A blunt no, a very stern no, angered the Russian before. It only took one time, and that time Nikolai learned, now he knows all too well to never say no. Unless he wished to feel that terrible pain. The terrible pain of being shoved into a wall and stripped roughly, having your first time being unconsentually taken by the person, the only person, you thought you could trust. He should've known better. Bit he really wanted to trust the other. He had to. His only chance out of the dark was him. Or so he had thought. Really, the only thing Fyodor did, was put a lamp in the darkness. A false hope, a flicker of what Nikolai wanted. That's how he kept Nikolai right where he wanted him. You'd be a complete idiot to actually trust Fyodor.
              How did they even end up like this? When did they first meet? Was it recently, or was it as children? Why can't he remember? Oh, no, no he can. They met long ago. 5 years, no, 6 years. It was Nikolai's first time to the mental health facility, having finally tipped his mother over the edge. That's where he stumbled over the anemic boy of his same age who was there for a failed attempt. They got along easily, spending everyday together and not letting anyone come inbetween them. You can only imagine Nikolai's rage when he learned that Fyodor was being discharged. Infact, he attacked Fyodor, screaming. "HOW DARE YOU?! THIS ISN'T FAIR! I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!"
          After Fyodor had to finally be discharged, he came back and snuck Nikolai out. They ran away together, and stayed together. They were separated for some months, and that's when Fyodor met Dazai and Chuuya (+ when he dated Chuuya). He only ever dated Chuuya to make up for his loss of Gogol. There was nothing else to it. Chuuya was only a replacement.
           After hearing all this, you can't really help but feel bad for the guy. Nikolai Gogol, only was allowed to have 9 years of a damn normal life. 10 years of age, he ran away from the hospital. 11 through 13, was with Fyodor and stuck in a heavily toxic relationship with him. 14, accidently got separated from Fyodor and put in an abusive foster home. 15, found Fyodor again and got stuck in a abusive/toxic relationship again. And that's where we are. Not to me tion he's dealing with women issues when he wants to be the exact opposite. It was obvious he hated having a feminine body, he hated every part of it. And it didn't help the Fyodor always was touching him, and this is what Nikolai was forced to do. He was practically just a sex toy for Fyodor's pleasure. Would things ever change for him?
          Nikolai was snapped out of his pity thoughts as Fyodor finally finished up and helped Nikolai get dressed again. They head out of the school and into the cafeteria, since all the students were back now. They sit with Chuuya and Dazai, the tension slowly building up between Chuuya and Fyodor. Dazai clears his throat.
      "So...Who's it gonna be?" Their heads all turn to Dazai. "Hm?~" Fyodor hums, confused. "Don't play dumb. We're not here for fun. Which one of us is going to die?" Chuuya and Nikolai gasp, but Fyodor just smirks. "Oh, how I get you..." Chuuya furrows his eyebrows together. "What are you talking about, mackerel?" Dazai chuckles, his eyes wide with pure madness. "I know exactly why we're here, Chuuya. I think it's time." Chuuya exhales shakily. "You can't possible mean..."

"Oh, I do mean..."

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HEY POOKIESSSS

So, I'm on vacation rn and on the drive my mom was telling me and my sisters a story about her blue chicken she had in like 3rd grade. She said she named it Blueberry Jam Chicken and called it BBJC for short. And I was all like, at least you didn't name it Blueberry Chicken and just called it BBC. My sister broke out laughing and my MOM DIDNT KNOW WHAT BBC WAS AND I HAD TO EXPLQIN IT TO HER 😔😔😔😔😔

Anyways, byeeee!!