✓ 𝐁𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐬 || ʜᴇᴇᴊᴀᴋᴇʜᴏᴏɴ

The Letter

A/N: The letter written by Sunoo after their breakup. 

Sunghoon,

It's been almost a year since I left, and I'm still thinking about you.

I want to write everything out so maybe it will help me. That's what they say...write it out, and then burn it, right?

That last day with you...I don't think I can forget.

You...love me?

I couldn't understand it. But I believed you and that's what made it hurt so much worse. No one ever made me feel as special as you did...no one made me feel as safe.

I could be myself with you...I didn't have to pretend because you like the real me. That's why it hurt so much.

You'll never know how hard it was to not reach for you as you turned away.

You'll never know how much I wanted to run after you, to say I needed you.

You'll never know how much I cried...

So much...I cried so much, hoon. My heart hurt so much it felt like I was splitting apart on the inside.

You'll never know how I didn't eat for almost a week. My mom and dad took me to the doctor because I passed out.

I couldn't even eat without you.

It hurt too much.

I just wanted you. Wanted to be in your arms, wanted your hands brushing my hair out of my eyes. I wanted your comfort but I couldn't have that anymore. You weren't mine anymore.

And that's my fault.

I had to.

I was never good enough for you, hoon. I loved you enough to let you go. I know you would have waited for me. I know you would have been loyal, you would have found ways to see me... I know you would have.

That's why I had to be the bad guy.

And you're too kind...you probably blame yourself.

It's not your fault. It's mine. It really is. I know you deserved more, that's why I wouldn't allow you to wait for me.

You deserve someone that's going to give you all the love you give them. Someone that is just as handsome, just as smart, just as kind, just as comforting, just as loving, just as understanding as you.

You deserve that. And... I couldn't be that person for you.

I loved you enough to give you up...so you could love someone else. So you could love someone else more than you loved me, and there's no doubt in my mind that you'll find that person one day.

I never got to tell you, but I loved you too, hoon.

I loved you so much my heart hurt whenever I was around you because I couldn't even contain myself.

You were my first love....

And I'm so....so...sorry...that I couldn't be your last.

- Sunoo