✓ 𝐁𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐬 || ʜᴇᴇᴊᴀᴋᴇʜᴏᴏɴ

Chapter Twenty Two - Both

A/N: CHAPTER RATED MATURE! (Mention of self-harm)
(Not proof read)

Jake feels his heart shatter inside his chest. He slips away from Heeseung, the older doesn't even try to keep him on his lap. Jake feels sick, he wants nothing more than for the ground to open up and swallow him.

"Is it..." Jake feels the tears welling up in his eyes, "... is it Sunghoon?"

"Jake..."

"Please. If you're going to discard me again, can't I at least know who it's for?"

"It's not like that." Heeseung says, reaching for Jake's hand. Jake steps back just out of his reach. His eyes are full of unshed tears when Heeseung looks up at him. He already knows that Jake wasn't leaving without the answer.

"I still love you, Jake... I just..."

"Don't say bullshit. Answer my question." Jake's voice is emotionless.

"It's not bullshit." Heeseung scoffs. "I almost ended my own life when we broke up. Is that bullshit?"

Jake is silent, his eyes slightly widen when Heeseung stands up and walks over to one of his drawers, digging under a bunch of folded shirts before pulling a nearly empty pill bottle out.

"I took a handful of these one night." Heeseung says quietly. Jake's hands are shaking a little when he takes the bottle away.

"I threw them up. I threw up so much I thought I'd suffocate. And all I could think was... I never once had control of my own life. I want to die my own way, and.." Heeseung scoffs, "...I can't even die the way I want to."

Heeseung's words are the final straw and Jake starts crying. He crouches, clutching the pill bottle in his hand, glaring at it. Heeseung tried to die. Heeseung suffered so much and Jake had blamed him the entire time. Jake had hated him. For something he didn't even do.

"You know what happened next?" Heeseung mumbles. Jake looks up at him through his blurry eyes.

"Sunghoon texted me." Heeseung smiles softly. "He said he missed me. And I-"

Jake watches as Heeseung wipes at his own eyes, his breath hitching as he held back a sob.

"I almost died." Heeseung whispers. "And then I just felt guilty. Because I had someone waiting for me and I didn't even realize it. He had been thinking about me, even just a friend, and I was ready to end everything."

Heeseung goes quiet, wiping at his eyes and cheeks. He sniffles a few times before finally looking down at Jake. Jake doesn't know what to think. There was no way he could have known what Heeseung was going through. He was never given the chance to comfort him.