Until I Found You

Chapter 7: Grief is the price we pay for love

TW: This chapter contains survivors guilt and trauma.

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Asami could feel her heart pounding as she stopped at the entrance of the cemetery. She hadn't been to one since visiting her mom before leaving for college. She took a deep breath and continued on down the path until she found Korras bike. Pulling up next to it, she scanned the rows until she spotted Korra a few rows over sitting in the grass in front of a grave.

Asami lowered herself down next to Korra and looked over at her. Korra took a deep breath. She wasn't sure if she was ready for this. But what she did know was that she wasn't ready to lose Asami. So with a shaky voice she finally began.

"His name was Koda." She could feel her throat getting tight but continued. "We were 17 when he was killed by a drunk driver." She kept her focus straight ahead but heard Asami gasp when she made the connection of who he was. "I got into a really big fight with our dad. I had to get out of there so I went out for a drive. I begged Koda to come with me. So he did."

She stopped for a moment, clenching her jaw as she tried to hold back the tear's burning her eyes. "We had just gotten the green light when a truck came out of nowhere and t-boned my car." Korra was looking down at her hands now. "I had some broken bones and I almost lost my right arm, but he didn't make it." The last part Korra practically choked out as she squeezed her fists closed.

But she couldn't hold back anymore and the tears finally came. "It should have been me." Korra continued angrily through clenched teeth. "And every day I hate the fact that I survived." At this point Korra was sobbing. "If I hadn't begged him to go he would still be here." Asami felt like her heart was breaking. "And what's even worse is the guy that hit us. He survived. He took away my brother. My best friend."

Asami positioned herself behind Korra with a leg on either side of her and pulled her into her arms, resting her chin on Korras shoulder. They sat like that in silence for a while before Asami finally spoke.

"I lost my mom when I was 7. My dad was coming back from a big race so it was just my mom and I. I had just gone to bed when I heard a scream downstairs. So I got up and ran to the stairs.  My mom was on the floor and a strange man was making his way up the stairs. When my mom saw me she tackled him. He pulled a knife on her. I didn't even think, I just ran down the stairs wanting to protect her. He caught me on the cheek with the knife and my mom was so worried about me she got distracted. Next thing I know he's running for the door and my mom was on the floor." Asami paused for a moment trying to blink back tears. It had been years since she had allowed herself to remember that night. "I called 911 and they told me what to do. But she was gone by the time they got there."

Asami rested her forehead on the back of Korras shoulder and finally let her own tears come. Then she felt Korra interlocking their fingers. After what felt like forever the tear's finally stopped. "That's why your dad retired early isn't it?" Asami nodded. "He refused to leave me alone after that."

"So when you had family stuff to deal with..." Korra nodded. "It was the anniversary of the accident. Normally I keep to myself for a while after." Asami heart sank. "I'm so sorry. If I had known..." Korra squeezed her hand. "Hey don't be sorry. I wanted to go out with you."

"What did he look like?" Asami asked softly. Korra pulled her phone out and after a couple seconds she held it up for Asami to see. On the screen was a slightly younger Korra with her lopsided grin and her arm wrapped around the boy next to her. He had a lighter complexion but the same chestnut hair as Korra, his eyes were hazel instead of blue and he had the exact same lopsided grin.  "That grin" was all she could manage to say and Korra chuckled lightly which made her smile.

"Do you look like your mom? Korra asked leaning back and looking up at Asami. "Yes I look almost exactly like her." Asami smiled. "At first it drove me crazy. It was just another reminder of her. But as I've dealt with my grief I've learned to appreciate it. I can't even imagine how you feel. I can't say the grief will ever go away. But over time it does become less overwhelming Asami said softly.

"I'm sorry for your loss" Korra brought Asami's hand up and kissed it softly. Asami felt her heart flutter for a second. "I'm sorry for yours. I know this wasn't easy" Asami said resting her chin on Korras shoulder again.

They sat in comfortable silence for a long time until Korra noticed it was getting dark. "You better start heading back. These roads are kinda sketchy at night." Asami let out a sigh before reluctantly pulling her arms from around Korra and standing up.

Korra walked her back to her bike before pulling her into a hug. This feels so different now Asami thought as held onto Korra. "I'm so sorry for the way I've acted" Korra muttered. "It's okay. We all handle grief in our own ways." Asami squeezed a little tighter.

When they separated blue eyes met green and Asami could see that there was so much Korra wanted to say. But when Asami realized that Korra couldn't quite put her thoughts into words she decided to make the move. "Are you busy this weekend?" she asked, hoping this wouldn't backfire.

Korra smiled at her "Not that I can think of. Want to meet up for some coffee in the morning?"

"Yeah sure. Sounds like a date" Asami said smiling before pulling her helmet on. Korra could feel her cheeks turning red and cleared her throat. "Text me when you get to campus please?" Korra reluctantly stepped back from the bike. "That way I know you got back safe. I'm going to stay a little longer."

"I will. Stay safe" Asami said before flipping down her visor and starting her bike.  Once she was gone Korra walked back over to Koda and sat down. "She's the one I told you about. I think you would have really liked her bro. She's incredible." She called it a date she thought smiling to herself.

Asami: [10:30pm]
Hey, just made it back to campus. Please be careful on your way back.

Korra: [10:33pm]
Don't worry, I'll be careful. What time did you want to meet up?

Asami: [10:35pm]
Umm how about 8?

Korra: [10:36pm]
Sounds perfect. Night Sami.

Asami: [10:37pm]
Night.

Asami collapsed on her bed and closed her eyes. She felt emotionally drained from the last few hours. She still had no idea what this was. But what she did know was she was happy. She was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't even hear Opal come home. "You okay? When I woke up you were gone." Opal asked trying to gage her mood. Asami sat up and looked at her best friend. "Korra told me everything."

Opals eyes went wide and she sat down next to Asami. "Really?" Asami nodded. "Yup, it was a lot. And I told her about my mom." At that Opal reached for Asami's hand. "Are you okay?" she asked looking concerned. Asami smiled.

"I'm fine O, you worry about me too much." Then she let out a yawn and finally felt how exhausted she was.