padam - a jan peteh pov story

13

Holiday.

This word was the only one that resonated in my head for the rest of the day. The only which repeated rapidly as I sorted out my accommodation, my flights, my baggage. And, before long, it chanted through my mind as I hit the check-in desk the following day, the rising and falling of my chest quick in anticipation. I painted a picture in my mind of the colourful skies that would fade beneath me as I took off from Ljubljana, trees and cars reducing in size to small pins, until I couldn't see them anymore. My problems would be mere dots left behind on the ground, or trapped in the endless cycle around the baggage reclaim carousel, where they would remain until I returned a few days later. I would hopefully be more willing to face them then, but now, all that mattered was taking off into the rolling blue and getting myself out of the country.

The attendant had a pristine beam on her face as I walked up to greet her, the pale tones of her British skin revealing her lack of Slovene blood (and, probably, language skills). I noticed a nervous expression attempt to take hold, her smile faltering slightly, however she managed to restrain it - the rest of the queue in front of me had been families of holidaymakers from other countries, and she clearly wasn't expecting a solo-travelling native to be approaching her this morning, with a single suitcase hanging limply by his side.

Although the original plan had been to pack light, the final result had ended up with me placing enough of my wardrobe inside the small case to last me at least two weeks; the excitement of getting away had overtaken my desperation to get back on the stage. I lifted it up onto the scale, while internally debating whether I'd weighed it correctly - it was a lot heavier than I had anticipated. Next to it I placed my passport, containing the boarding pass for the plane, which she quickly opened and scrutinised.

'We're going to Liverpool today?' she asked rhetorically, her smile not falling any further despite the obvious shake in her voice. I was unsure as to why she seemed nervous, since the majority of my generation spoke fluent English, and I surely could not have been the first one of us she'd encountered. I discarded this thought as I watched her darting eyes flick speedily between the passport and me, comparing the two pictures - I had been much younger then, and I supposed that the likeness was not as prominent as it could be. Although other people may have been disheartened, I was used to it; travelling abroad constantly had numbed me to the consistent procedures as we ventured from country to country.

'Yep.' I replied, trying to provide a comforting grin back. She quickly noticed this and coughed a little, clearing her throat as to not seem unprofessional.

'Have you packed and weighed your bag yourself?' she questioned absentmindly, more intent on starting to print and prepare the label to put onto my suitcase. I nodded; she saw this from the corner of my eye and swiftly attached the tag to the handle, sealing it with the careful press of her hand. I instinctively reached for a second case, which would typically have been Nace's - he would always insist on walking mine from the taxis into the airport, and in return I would deal with the check in for the pair of us. My hand grabbed thin air, and I received a fairly quizzical look from the lady behind the desk.

'I don't usually travel alone.' I explained, and she nodded somberly - it was evident that I felt a little lonely, and she had probably assumed the worst.

The fact I was dressed in all black didn't appear to help, either.

'You're all sorted.' she confirmed gently after sending the suitcase down the conveyor, nodding at a colleague behind her who fixed a fit-to-fly badge onto my rucksack. Thanking them both, I headed towards security, the carefree feeling of travelling now setting in. It wasn't often that I went to places anymore without the expectation of playing a concert; it was even rarer that I ventured off with people outside of the band, never mind alone.

Security passed by fairly quickly; the small airport had lead to even smaller queues, with a deficit in young, crying children due to the time of day. I was fairly sure one of the assistants recognised me; he whispered something to a colleage while I was busy unloading half of my rucksack into a seperate tray. Yet neither of them decided to speak about it - I was incredibly grateful for this, while equally sure that had it been Bojan they would have acted differently.

The mention of his name in my mind shook me a little, and I was reminded why I was here - my fists attempted to ball as I awaited the return of my belongings. When the tray eventually arrived back to me, I swiped it with some degree of irritance and repacked it hurriedly, a frown quickly beginning to furrow on my face.

He was the reason why I wasn't going to be playing tonight - warmups backstage with a few pre-drinks, the concert itself, and then the aftermath, which consisted of meeting fans and further drinking. Messing around and playing card games with my closest friends, post-performance euphoria coursing through my body.

I wondered when the next time I would have that experience would be.

Because I certainly wasn't going to get it in England.

The only person I had told about my little adventure was Nace; he had understood that I needed to get back to Liverpool, back to the place that had given me so much. Feeling my phone's inprint in my front pocket, I reached inside to grasp it, remembering his request for messages when I got to the airport and once I landed. Yet, the moment I retrieved his contact and had spelled out a few letters, the announcement for the boarding came over the intercom - the last call, to be precise. Looking at the top of the screen, I realised that I was late, as usual, without even realising it.

Everything felt a little too real as I heaved my body up from the low seat, surveying the open space for my gate number and walking fairly leisurely over to it - it wasn't the first time I'd almost missed a flight, and I didn't want to run for one ever again.

So now, it was time for me to make my way back to Liverpool. This would by far be the least revolutionary trip there - the last three would be hard to beat, even if I had planned something monumental. The truth was, that I needed something calm to ease my mind, instead of a rigid timetable that would exhaust rather than relax. Just a simple time off in the city, passing my time with a certain someone who I knew would make me see everything so much clearer.

That certain someone being my girlfriend.