padam - a jan peteh pov story

14

'You seem a little vacant.' Lilia commented, whisking the fork through her pasta with a frown.

'I'm sorry.' I sighed; although I did want to give her my full attention, various things were playing on my mind. The restaurant was alive with music, almost taunting me with a consistent reminder of where I could have been, had Bojan been less difficult. I couldn't meet her eyes as this thought entered my mind - although she probably knew that my life almost revolved around the stage, it was wrong to not be grateful for the chance to have an escape with her.

'You're here for four days, right?' she asked, desperately trying to save the conversation by perking herself up, her shoulders rising more upright.

'Yep.' I finally looked up, taking a mouthful of the risotto and smiling at her. I didn't want to take it out on her, not at all - yet the way my brain was skewing everything had caused me to fall into an unpleasant mood. I hoped that my feelings didn't taint the expression, and that if they had, that she understood that it wasn't in any way her fault.

'Any ideas on what to do?' she asked inquisitively, taking a hand through her hair in wait. I thought about it for a moment, and then quickly realised that this trip had been on such a whim that I didn't exactly have a reason to be here. 'I'll take that as a no, then.' she added after I had zoned out for a few seconds, showing no intention of replying.

'I haven't really thought about it much, I just thought it would be good to spend some time together. Over here, without making you leave everything again.' I clarified; she had offered to come over the previous night, however I had shut that down, vowing that it was my turn to visit her. She hadn't seen her parents in months, and her best friend Sanjay was desperate for her to stay home for a little longer.

'It doesn't have to be too different from when I came over, though.' she laughed, reminiscing on the time we'd shared in Ljubljana, doing all the simple things that couples did. Waking up next to each other, cooking on evenings where we had enough energy, getting takeout at times when we didn't. However much I didn't want to admit it to her, we'd actually been able to discover parts of the city I didn't even know existed, despite having lived there for so long. I had also rented out a small flat that we could share, somewhere away from home, so it felt more like ours; with a single bedroom and a small balcony for a late-night smoking session. Although she didn't take cigarettes, she didn't complain if I offered her a drag, and I would always laugh when she coughed incessantly afterwards.

'I suppose not.' I smiled widely, knowing that I had made the right choice. Over here, Bojan couldn't harm me. He couldn't stand the group up again, couldn't enrage me with his ridiculous antics to the point of nervous breakdown. Even though every street corner seemed to hold some sort of memory of him, Lilia would simply take my hand and we'd be away from the spot within seconds.

'I would like to do one thing, though.' she admitted eventually, suddenly shying away and blushing nervously. I furrowed my brow, and she turned her head away a little, in an attempt to hide her reddening face.

'Are you going to tell me?' I chuckled a little. She hadn't acted like this around me since the first time we met, both sober. The original first time we'd met, she'd thrown a piña colada down herself, and however much I appreciated the artistic sentiment, it definitely hadn't been the best first impression.

Although she's always insisted she hadn't drank prior, I have never been fully convinced.

'It's stupid.' she giggled, now turning back to face me but still looking just under my eyeline, for fear of making the interaction awkward.

'I'm sure it isn't.' I reassured her, however the way she was acting was suspicious, and at that moment she could have pulled out anything.

'A cruise date?' she asked hesitantly, waiting a few seconds for my response. 'It's a silly idea.' she waved her arms around when I didn't respond immediately, instantly dismissing the thought.

'I don't think there's anything wrong with that.' I returned, cutting her off in her spiral. It was common of her to overthink, and even more common for me to provide a string of thoughts to restore her self-confidence. 'I wouldn't mind a red-wine dinner date.'

'No, I shouldn't have said it.' she attempted to conclude firmly, setting her hands on the table as she usually did when she was trying to move away from a topic. Her eyebrows curled up a little at her nose, scrunching the very top of it into small, tight wrinkles that begged for me to be quiet.

'It would be nice to go out on the water. I don't go on boats often.' Immediately after saying this, I recalled the memory of recording the Barve Oceana music video. Everything about that day had turned out so well, although Jure did nearly fall off the rigging and into the water a few times. Me and Martin had spent the majority of the day messing around, laughing at Kris, who seemed to be the only slightly sensible one. And, of course, there was Bojan, who had held a temperament as bright as the sun had been that day.

Such moods had since dissipated into nothing.

Thinking about this, I winced and recoiled a little, and the small physical action did not help my case of comforting Lilia - her shoulders sagged down a little further.

'Look, I'll be quiet about it. I'm sorry.' she began to apologise.

'Lokvanj. I want to go.' I stated, hoping that she would believe me.

'For a relaxing night out?' she asked fairly quietly, still not yet over the way I had indirectly suggested that her idea had been a bad one.

'Yes, of course. I can't think of anything better.' my pupils grew warmly as I said this, now taking her hand that was resting on the table. She looked at me, ever so slightly more content, yet still doubting - her face was overshadowed by a worry.

'One problem.' she sighed, retracting her hand from where it was held in mine.

'I'm sure there's none.' I dismissed, prepared to take my phone out and book the trip on the spot.

'It's a party cruise.'