padam - a jan peteh pov story

16

Her hair felt soft and untouched at the top, with small flyaways escaping from her scalp after she'd tossed and turned in her sleep, while the ends were coarse from the hairspray she'd used the night before. I'd managed to brush out the majority with my fingers; I had been sat at her side all night, in case she woke up and needed anything. She hadn't thus far - it was now late morning, and my eyes sagged from the lack of sleep, the only thing keeping me awake being the urge to ensure that she was okay.

However, less than a minute later, her eyes slowly flickered open. Her hand rushed upwards to her head to hold it as she sat up, and she used the other to assist herself in bolting upright.

'Where are we?' she asked in a small, dry voice. It was rare to see her like this, so fragile and pained by illness.

'You're at home.' I informed her gently, taking her hand from where it sat on her forehead and bringing it away.

'This isn't home.' she shook her head immediately, observing her surroundings. 'My parent's house? Why?'

'I wasn't going to leave you alone in the hotel.' I answered truthfully - while she was in this state, I wanted someone to be able to look after her. If it wasn't going to be me, it should be her mother, and she'd agreed dutifully the moment I'd explained things to her.

'Why would I be alone?' she questioned.

'Are you hungover?' I dodged the question warmly, my expression faltering a little as I realised I may have to break the truth to her a second time. It had hurt enough watching her face slowly fall as we figured out the plan to get me back to Slovenia, yet she'd kept nodding meekly, trying to hide her disappointment.

'I can't remember much.' she admitted, now worried - she could tell from my body language that something wasn't right.

'Nace called me last night. Do you remember that part?' I started, watching as she struggled to put the pieces together.

'No. My mind's blank.' She looked alarmed now.

'He told me that Bojan's...' I trailed off slowly. 'He's trying to convince the rest of them that the band can only get back together if they agree to his terms.'

'Which are?' she asked hurriedly, quickly becoming stressed. Before responding, I grabbed the water I had retrieved for her before, and pressed out two paracetamol from the foil package. I handed them to her, and watched as she took them.

'They want me out, Lilia.' I eventually said, sighing as I did.

'No. Surely not.' she responded, fully in denial.

'Bojan suggested it. Kris and Jure just want to get back onto the stage, they know they can't win against him.' I explained, armouring my face so that I wouldn't cry. I couldn't cry, not in front of her.

'Nace wants you there, though, right?' she pointed out, clearly wanting to find a solution, and find one quickly.

'He might, but he can't argue with three people.' I pinched my brow, the reality of the situation now catching up to me. If I lost Joker Out, there would be little point in anything. It was now too late in life to start another craft, and I had put my soul into my music and everything that came with it. Nobody would listen to Jan Peteh as a single guitarist; I'd have to find something else to do. But what? How could I find anywhere where the memories of being in the band would not destroy my mentality?

'You can't let them do this to you, Jan.' she fought, seeing the effect it had on me.

'Exactly.' I confirmed with her in a strong tone, before adjusting it to deliver the verdict, the one that might hurt her the most. 'Which is why I'm going to have to return to Slovenia.'

Silence ruled the room for a few moments, enough for my head to skip a beat. 'I understand.' she nodded eventually. 'When are you leaving?'

'Later today. There's a direct flight; I'll be ready to speak with them all by tomorrow morning.'

'I hope that Bojan sees some sense.' she muttered, clearly angered by his behaviour.

'I hope so too.' I responded, knowing that I was going to have to fight the odds for my place in this band, even if it meant confronting the agitated singer. We didn't break the eye contact for a few moments, and I took the opportunity to lean in towards her, pressing a gentle kiss onto her slightly parted lips. I hoped that it was one that would linger, to remain and remind her that it wouldn't be long before we would be able to spend time together, time where the focus would be entirely on us.

'I'm sorry.' she murmured, wrapping her arms around me and falling limp, looking for solace through resting her face on my shoulder. I held her there, whispering to her that it was okay.

'I know it's selfish, but I really wish you could stay longer.' she confessed to me eventually, now pulling away and reseating herself on the bed.

'You're not selfish at all, lokvanj.' I tilted her head upwards slightly to face me, ensuring that she took the words in. She nodded a little, but couldn't meet my eyes for longer than a few seconds.

Right at that moment, her mother walked in.

'Is she awake? Oh-' she quickly shut the door as she saw our intimate moment, but I called for her to come back in as Lilia propped herself up onto her headboard.

'I must apologise.' she bowed her head a little.

'Totally fine.' I laughed slightly at the stupidity of it all, while Lilia groaned in embarrassment, picking up her stuffed animal from beside her and burying her face into its fur.

'What a way to meet the parents.' she complained, her voice muffled, while me and her mother exchanged amused glances.

'I had to meet him at some point, darling.' she reminded, before turning to me. 'From the amount of time she spends talking about you, I practically know you already.'

I didn't know what to say, so I just chuckled.

'Anyway. Would either of you like breakfast?' Lilia finally lifted her head up when she said this, perking up a little at the idea of food.

'You haven't made me breakfast in a while.' she said excitedly.

'You've barely been back from Slovenia a week.' she returned matter-of-factly. It was nice to see the two of them just happy to bicker in front of me; I felt like less of an outsider and more like one of the family.

'I'll be going back soon, I hope.' a huge grin graced her face brightly. 'When Bojan sorts himself out.' she added quickly.

'It shouldn't be long.' I gazed back at her, her optimism radiant.

'I'll make you two some food, and then I'll give you a lift to the airport, Jan.' her mother interjected, giving me a nod and leaving the room before I even had a chance to thank her.