padam - a jan peteh pov story

15

I had been on a party cruise before during the promotional tour for Eurovision, but never had I experienced one like this. The crowd extended to all corners of the boat; I was sure it was beyond maximum capacity, and that the people here had no sense of personal space even before the alcohol.

'You look reluctant. Let's at least try it?' Lilia asked of me, her hand sweating slightly in anticipation. Even though I knew I probably did, I shook my head to signal that I was fine. 'Jan Peteh, I know when you're lying to me.' she continued.

'Nerves.' I returned with a small smile. This was what I needed, right? A night to black out and focus on nothing in particular?

'Nervous even after a shot? I don't even know you anymore.' she joked to lighten up the mood, doing so successfully. She was the embodiment of sun; it was difficult to feel apprehensive around someone so energetic and fun.

'Maybe I need another.' I shrugged, and her eyes lit up. I already knew what she was about to suggest, but I let her be the one to say it.

'Jägerbomb.' she urged instantly.

'To the bar.' I nodded, linking her arm as she beamed at me. 'You're almost an alcoholic, you know.'

'No way in hell am I an alcoholic.' she fought back, looking up at me. I refused the eye contact and chuckled a little bit instead, watching from the corner of my vision as she waited a few seconds before sighing and looking away.

Eventually, we waded our way through the crowded floor and to the bar, where a group of women practically covered the entire surface. They were dressed in neon, revealing clothes, looking ready to attend a rave. Noticing our presence, the one closest to Lilia shuffled to the side a little so that we could order.

'2 Jägerbombs, please.' she asked politely, giving the bartender a cheeky grin.

'We've barely left yet, missy.' he laughed, speaking in a thick, scouse accent. Nontheless, he got to making the drinks for us.

I had never liked Jägermeister, yet I'd always lied for her sake; anything to get her off the piña coladas, which seemed to have an adverse effect on her. She'd always tell me that they didn't taste alcoholic enough, and within 5 minutes, she was on the floor.

Every time.

'Starting early, I guess.' she replied, and the bartender laughed a bit, finishing the drinks off and pushing them towards her. She grabbed them hastily.

'Go on.' she turned to me, placing a glass in my hand, and I internally braced myself for the vile taste that was coming, knowing it was for Lilia's benefit. We put our glasses together, and they met with a satisfying clink, before necking the dark liquid; I stifled a cough as I felt it tunnel through to my stomach, and slammed the glass hard on the countertop afterward. The bartender gave me a knowing look, however I signalled to him to grab us another round.

Looking at Lilia's excited expression, I wished we were in a more private place where I could taste the flavours dancing on her tongue. Had we been alone, I would have wrapped my hands gently around her back and kissed her slowly, feeling her body tense at the sensation.

'I hope she doesn't get seasick.' the girl sat on the bar snapped me out of my daydream suddenly, and I quickly flicked my eyes to look at her, before laughing a little - Lilia's not the type. She's always talked about how much she hated vomit, especially when we were out drinking. And, I've always been there to ensure that she never got to the point where throwing up would be her only option.

~•~

I held her hair back as she heaved into the toilet bowl a third time, tears forming in her eyes. She used the few seconds she had in between each retch to apologise - first for spoiling the night, second for making me order her a piña colada (something that had never happened), and third for me having to watch her as she was sick. Now, her weakness forced her to only speak in incomprehensible mumbles, as I took my fingers through her curled hair.

'You haven't spoiled anything.' I told her warmly, wiping her chin before tilting her face towards me. Her eyes were filled with all of the colours of regret.

'No more Jagërbombs. Don't let me.' she demanded, almost sounding responsible, in spite of her drunkenness.

'You think I'd let you have another one after that?' I shook my head, and her body sagged a little further to the floor. 'You're ill.'

'But if I asked nicely, you'd let me.' she frowned.

'No.' I shut her down immediately with a shake of my head. 'No, I wouldn't.' I gazed into her brown eyes, as though I could will her sadness away.

'You should probably take that call.' she suddenly broke my stare, now looking towards my pocket, which was vibrating relentlessly. I swiftly pulled it out, and seeing it was Nace, looked back at Lilia.

'I can't take it now. I'm busy.'

'I'll be fine, silly.' she slurred, but I wasn't convinced. The phone suddenly fell still in my hand, and a miscall notification came up onto my lockscreen.

'If it's important, he'll call me back.' I told her, knowing that Nace never calls twice. Sometimes he messages afterwards, but most of the time he waits for me to become available to ring him. I slid my phone back into my coat pocket, dismissing him for a little while.

'Fine.' she slouched into a sitting position, facing away from the toilet now. We sat in silence for a few moments, partially because I didn't know what else to say, and partially because I was waiting to have to turn her head back towards the bowl if she showed signs of sickness again.

'You look cold.' I told her, and without waiting for her retort, I took it off. She held her arms out as I bundled her into it.

'I can see why you always wear such a long coat now.' she giggled, stroking the length of the fabric from her neck down to her knees.

'You'd like my fur ones, then.' I then tried to retract my statement as her face fell into shock. 'Faux.'

'Thank God. I was hoping you hadn't made Igor into a-,' she stopped, putting her hand over where I had placed my phone. 'He's ringing again.'

It then hit me that I really needed to take the call. I nodded as she handed the phone to me, having already clicked the button to accept the call.

'Nace?' I asked worriedly into the speaker, hearing him rustling around in the background.

'It's Bojan.' he said, like he was out of breath.

'What about him?' I questioned angrily, tired of the bastard ruining everything for me.

'He found out that you went to England. Needless to say,' he took a second to breathe, 'he's not as happy as he could be.'

'That dickhead.' I cursed under my breath. 'What's he said?'

'He's just acting entitled. Saying that you're not prioritising the band where it matters.'

'He didn't prioritise the band when he wouldn't have a civilised conversation with us.' I argued back. Although I knew this wasn't Nace's fault, I was tired of being blamed. I was tired of being made to feel like I had done something so horrifically wrong that I was breaking the band apart.

'I know, Jan.'

'Anything else?' I quizzed.

'Everything's in pieces, to be honest. Bojan said he's not seeing us until you're back, and the others are near ready to give in to whatever he wants.'

I took my eyes off the screen and looked over to Lilia, who I hadn't noticed had been intently listening this whole time. She smiled slightly, the kind of smile where you're about to say something you know will hurt. Like you're going to have to hold back your feelings to do what's right.

'Go. Go back home, Jan.'