Broken Wings

chapter 3

 Building my strength takes time, but the cycle starts again without a hitch. Scream myself awake. Shower. Watch the village with the sunrise. Greasy Sae cooks. I thank Peeta, he says your welcome. We eat. There are a few differences though, Peeta's added word joins our vocabulary marking it contain a whole five words. I still hear that cry every now and then, the one I heard during my blanking out. And finally, since I'm not strong enough to hunt, I start to do housework. I have always hated these mundane tasks, that no matter how well you do them they will have to be done again. But, for someone who has made such a mess with everything it feels good to be able to fix up something. To make it better than it was before.

I take it slow and start at the study, since I'm sure the smell still festers in there. I do everything from scrub to polish and when I'm done my fingers are raw. It takes me 2 and a half days to be satisfied with my work. I move from room to room through my house scrubbing and washing every inch. Every room except for Prims. I go into she's last, I don't want her smell to leave this place, so I just do light cleaning, dusting sweeping and so on. That which I don't know how to clean I ask Sae at breakfast and try them that day. I even started writing a list of things I'll need to keep myself busy at dinner. I gave the list to Sae, and it came the next day with breakfast. My dinners are always alone, only seeing people at breakfast. I still can't cook that well, so Sae sometimes makes extra stew for me to warm on the stove in the evening other times I just make soup from the stuff in the fridge that Sae always keeps full. But I'm starting to hate dinner because I'm alone and I don't want to be. I like solitude but not self-isolation, and my life is starting to feel like the latter. I am getting tired of it, so tonight I decide to take some soup to Haymitch I haven't seen him for a couple of days anyway.

I prepare the soup and when it is cooked, I head over to his place. As soon as I open the door, I want to close it again, the house is disgusting with empty bottles and filth everywhere. But my desire for the company is greater so I head inside. Haymitch is in the dining room watching me while sloshing a brown liquid around in his glass.

"We'll look who it is, the great Katniss Everdeen master maid." As he laughs at his own joke, I get some bowls and spoons from the kitchen, I'm about to turn to the dining room when he calls. "Don't forget something to serve it with!" I roll my eyes fetch the ladle and come into the room.

"Would you like me to serve you some?" I say with a measured voice, he nods, and I serve us some food. As we eat, I take the time to consider Haymitch. He entered the games He was about my age when he went into his games, he watched his ally die, same as me. He outsmarted the games, same as me. Yet I had something he didn't, a companion. He didn't have anyone when he had to sit with on the stage as he relived his games. He didn't have anyone to go home to either. Haymitch isn't one to share his past, but I do know that everyone he loved died, from his parents to his girlfriend. How had must it to have been to try and help so many children just to watch them die.

Then came Peeta and I, I realise now why Haymitch did so much of us, for me. Why he helped me save Peeta, and coach me even when I was impossible. Haymitch did it all so that we didn't end up like him. Lonely, suck at the bottom of a bottle for the rest of our lives. Not only did he risk himself for us, but he did it time and time again. I could do a whole lot more for him, he'll always be a rotten drunk, who suffers each night. But I can do my part far better than I have.

"I finished cleaning my house today." I say "It helps me mentally, please will you let me do yours? It's not like I can make it any worse." I wave my hand towards the mess supposedly called a kitchen. I start thinking through all the things I'm going to have to do to clean this place up, and frankly it grosses me out. But I have to do at least this for him.