It's been a little over a month since the miscarriage. Things are better now than before, I'm happy for that. Me and Frank both got tested and checked out, there's nothing wrong with either of us. To save the heartache we decided to stop trying and I'm now taking the pill. We barely fuck though, maybe once since the miscarriage. I just don't be in the mood.
I stood in the mirror as I touched up my hair. Me and Faith are going to get drinks. Frank looked at me through the mirror. "Why you look like that?", I asked looking back at him.
"Like what?", he asked sounding annoyed tilting his head a bit.
"Mad. Upset. Like what's yo' problem?" I turned around and looked at him. He chuckled and stood up. I took a step back. He looked at me weird.
"You trippin' Kamora." He shook his head and walked to the bathroom leaving the door open.
"How am I trippin' and you the one sitting' here with a stank ass attitude? The fuck.", I said walking to the door. He was in the mirror looking at his new growth.
"Go have fun with yo' cousin Kamora I'm not bout to argue with you.", he said looking at me. I crossed my arms and leaned on the door frame.
"So you mad I'm goin' out with Faith? Why?" He just looked in the mirror and exhaled. "Hello?!" He looked at me with his face balled.
"Watch out bruh." He tried getting by me but I wouldn't let him.
"Nah you watch out.", he said pushing him back. "Like what's the problem for real bro? We literally been good."
"You been good Kamora!", he yelled. I looked at him confused. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I need some space baby. I promise I will talk to you another time, not right now and ion wanna say nun ion mean.", he said opening his eyes. He softly grabbed my face and kissed my head. I exhaled and walked away. I looked in the mirror one last time before grabbing my purse and leaving without saying a word.
...
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We chopped it up at the bar while we sipped our drinks. Even though we live together, we talking like we ain't seen each other in years. "What up Kamora?", a familiar voice said as they stood in front of us. I looked up and saw this guy I met once I left Milwaukee, Lucas. I just looked at him. "Hey.", I responded blankly.
He looked at me confused with a smile on his face. "That's a dry ass hey, can I get a hug?", he asked.
"Yeah, yeah." I gave him a side hug.
"I'll see you." I nodded as he walked off. We messed around a bit before I decided to start my healing journey. We had a lot of sex, and fun.
"So who the fuck is that?", Faith asked with her eyebrows raised.
"Somebody I met when I first left Milwaukee.", I shrugged it off. We took more shots, had more mixed drinks, and got drunk.
This dude she talk to ended up coming up here. I heard them talking about going back to his house and she said she gone make sure I get home. "Aye after I finish this drink imma go home, go ahead.", I said by her ear.
"Bitch no that's how fucked up shit happens. Nope not to my bitch.", she said putting her arms around my neck.
"Faith I swear I'm good, I'll call you when I get home. Go get some dick bitch." She ain't budging. "What if you FaceTime me til I leave? I'm literally leaving out 5 minutes after you if that. Go ahead." She looked at me with her eyes squinting. I FaceTimed her and she answered.
"5 minutes?", she asked.
"I promise." She hugged me tightly then they left. I propped my phone up and started finishing my drink. I felt somebody sit in her spot making me look over. It's Lucas.
"How life treating you?", he asked after ordering two shots.
"Great. You?", I asked.
"I can't complain." His shots were sat in front of him and he pushed one to me. "Cheers to a better life than before." We hit glasses then took the shots. "You really look good." He spinned me towards him and looked me up and down. I just looked at him lost for words.
He leaned in and kissed my cheek. "Still smell good as fuck.", he said. "Damn I got you blushed again." I shook my head and looked down. He picked my head up. He started kissing on my neck and I quickly tried pushing him away. He had a grip on my arm though. I pushed him a little harder and he let me go. He looked at me confused. I shook my head before paying my tab and leaving.
As I was walking out Faith was walking back in. "You good? I seen that nigga all up on you!", she said tryna get in. I held her back.
"Everything good boo, I'm going home to my man now.", I said making her calm down. She walked me to my car and her dude pulled up next to my car so she could get in.
We hugged and each got into separate cars.
I drove home in silence. I need to figure out what's wrong with my man.
...
I checked on the kids and they're both sleep. I went to the room looking for Frank but he wasn't in there. I pulled the cameras up on my phone and looked for him as I took my heels off. I found him in his man cave smoking.
After I put my slippers on I went to the room and sat beside him. "You ready to talk now?", I asked facing him.
"What you wanna talk about Kamora?", he asked looking at me. I looked at him weird. He gave me the same look back.
"Bro what's up with you? Since I left you been trippin'. I literally ain't do shit."
"You never do shit. Never got time for me, never fuck me, never talk to me. You right you ain't do shit, you ain't been doin' shit for a minute now." I just looked at him with my mouth hanging open lost for words.
"I'm sorry.", I said softly.
"Yeah I know.", he said looking at the blank tv screen. "If you tryna go sit in another nigga face go, if you tryna go sit on another dick go! I'm not about to beg you to be my woman!", he yelled making me jump.
"If I wanted to do it I would be doin' it! It ain't nothin'! Niggas want me, ok baby?"
"Don't nobody want yo' ass Kamora. I'm starting to not want you either. Fuck out my face.", he waved me off.
"Stop talking to me crazy bro for real! I will smack the shit outta you Franklin on my momma! On my mother nigga!", I said in his face.
"Yeah a'ight bitch tr-" He was cut off by me smacking the shit out of him. "Get out."
"Nigga I'm not g-"
"Get the fuck out Kamora!", he yelled getting in my face with his fist balled. He red ass fuck and I see the veins coming out of his neck.
I just looked at him cause I was scared to move. I seen his hand move so I flinched and covered my face and body as my heart pounded. I never thought Frank would hit me but the way he looking right now, I don't know what to expect.
I didn't feel myself being hit so I slowly lowered my arm and look my leg off the couch. He's holding the door open with his head hanging down.
I slowly walked past him and went to our room. I packed some of my stuff up and left the house. Once I got in my car I broke down as I started my car up.
The shit he said was true. I just ain't think it meant that much to him, a man. He try talking to me, fucking me, taking me on dates. I just be blowing him off. I been tryna focus on the good and block out the bad, whenever he brought bad up I'd dismiss it. I guess he got tired of it.
Between the liquor, me thinking he was gone hit me, and realizing this all is my fault I just can't get myself together. If I pull off like this I might not make it to my destination.
I turned the heat on, laid my seat back, and cried myself to sleep.
