22q: The Challenges, The Obstacles, and The Coursge to Overcome

Chapter One

  While having the disability my mind always went straight to "I hate myself." My mind always was so negative because of this syndrome. These challenges made it so difficult. Even though I am older and I understand who I am these challenges every day are still a battle and makes me feel so crappy about myself. I doubt myself so much because of this syndrome. I've got better since I got older and I try to stay positive. Being older I have so much more confidence of myself of who I am. These challenges makes it so hard for me to understand who I am. I love me though no matter what.
     Being me isn't easy, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm just so happy that as I got older I knew who I was. We all go through these moments in life though. Even with normal people with no disabilities have these feelings. You don't think about it but people who are normal without a disability have challenges in life to. Not everything comes easy to them either. Everyone is different in their own way. We are not the same. If everyone was the same we would be boring. I rather be myself even with a disability. Even with how hard it may be, but I rather have my own challenges everyday to fight. I rather be me with my challenges other than someone I'm not. God created us for a reason. I love me.
     Having 22q I do feel as if we have to work twice as hard for everything. For example: school/college. With 22q depending on who you are like me I have a learning disability. School even college was hard for me. I did pass a few college classes, but for me to keep moving forward with my degree the classes were just so hard because of who I am. I was going for medical assistant. I was surprised to even pass a few of those classes though. I was so happy of myself those are definitely some accomplishments to be proud of. I want to keep going, but it's really hard with money because I screwed up my fafsa. I did fail a class, but that doesn't mean I'm stupid or anything because it is really hard. I could always do a different degree. I've chose though to be a manager at my job. Even with jobs having a disability is a challenge at jobs. You never know who's going to make fun of you or not for being who you are.
     Having this syndrome though makes me want to inspire others especially my son. All I do is for him. I want to inspire others who have 22q or any other syndrome or even with people who don't have disabilities because inspiring others and giving them hope makes me feel so good about myself. When I get comments and messages from people it makes me feel so proud. I have my own mother and son with 22q page on Facebook and when I receive those kind of messages and comments it just makes my heart melt completely. I wanna do more than just a Facebook page I wanna do more for the community with people who have disabilities and let them know they're not alone. I wanna get a group together and help them inspire themselves and others.
     With being me I try my hardest to stay positive through everything, but sometimes it's just so difficult because of my disability. Lots of times I just wanna give up on everything because sometimes things are so hard. I doubt myself a lot especially at work and I try not to, but I get so discouraged with myself. Even though I love who I am and have grown so much over the years, but that doesn't mean I don't make any mistakes in my life. I have my flaws just like everyone else does. I hate that I'm that way, but it's hard sometimes to stay positive. I want to be a role model though so badly for others who are like me with disabilities or people who don't have disabilities and need the encouragement of who they are. I want to be positive for them so I try my best in everything.
     I've written a book about what 22q is and the symptoms my son and I have. It's a missing 22 chromosome. My son and I have a speech impediment and a learning disability. He's overcome so much already in his life with 22q. He doesn't understand that he has this syndrome and I've tried to talk to him about it, but it is very difficult to understand. I still wonder why I'm like this, but I love who I am. With our disability it's made me want to do more for others. Especially with my son I want to show him it's alright to be different and not the same like others. We are different for a reason. My son has handled our disability much better than I did when I was his age. I feel as if when I was his age it was harder for me because generations are different now. It's now easy now either it's still difficult because people can be so mean when it comes to others with disabilities or not.
     People think they're better than others and make fun others who are not good enough. I been made fun of my whole life. I'm 37 and still get made fun of who I am. I don't understand why people got to be so mean. It doesn't make them any better than us. Some don't care about other's feelings. You never know what someone is going through in life and then they have people making fun of them. It's not cool to bully at all. I hate bullies. Bullies are overrated and people who bully are teaching others it's okay to bully. Teach your kids the right way to treat others. Be kind and caring it doesn't take much. It's nothing but meant words and drama when people bully. Love one another instead.
     Everyone judges one another and we shouldn't. I have and I feel bad that I have. I'm not perfect, but none of us are. We all have our flaws. Judging a person for who they are is like bullying them. It doesn't matter if the person has a disability, no friends, the clothes they wear, the house they live in, people make fun of anything and everything no matter what because they think it makes them feel good about themselves when it doesn't. Even though they don't care who they make fun of they it makes them look like they're stupid. I'm not saying that to be mean, but bullying looks bad on you and no one likes the person. People stick up for their friends who get bullied. Always stick for them no matter what. Like I've said you never know what a person maybe going through in life.
     With 22q there's so much you have to be brave about. I hate talking on the phone because of my speech. I hate it in general. Like at work I don't like being in drive because of my speech. It's scary for me. I mean my speech isn't as bad as it was when I was younger, but if I talk too fast or they don't know who I am they aren't going to understand me. I'm always so afraid that I'm going to get made fun of because people can be so mean. I don't like it, it just scares me so much because I am a sensitive person. I have overcome so much though at my job. I know how to do set, register, drive, run, kitchen which I love fryers, middle, buns and I need practice on grill, but that one is a little difficult for me.
    I doubt myself so much throughout my life and I still now. I don't always believe in myself, but I do try at least that better than nothing. I never give up I keep trying and trying because if I doubt myself I'm going to get discouraged of myself which I do because I get so frustrated that things can be so hard for me. No matter who you are don't doubt yourself. I'm still learning, but doubting yourself isn't going to get you anywhere in life. Keep pushing yourself to do better and work on yourself. Don't let people bring you down because your different and because your slower than them. It's okay to be slow at things because everyone is different and learns at different paces. I hate that I'm this way I just want to be normal like everyone else with normal problems. Even though none of us are truly normal there is some weirdness in everyone. I just hate that I doubt myself all the time because I hate that not everything comes so easily for me. It's hard to find anyone else who is like me. I did an article a few years ago and only found one person like me and it was pretty nice to find someone who is like me. This syndrome is very rare. Not everyone knows about it.
     I am definitely proud of myself for all my accomplishments throughout my whole life. It was a struggle and I wanted to give up, but I kept pushing myself through these challenges. There's some that I still wish I did finish that I did give up on. I went to college for medical assistant. I have passed a few classes and failed a few and still got some classes to do, but college was just so hard for me. School in general was definitely hard for me throughout all my years. That's one major part of me that I hated about myself was school. I felt so stupid that some things didn't come as easy for me with school like some of the kids. I know there was other kids that had problems, but I just felt I was dumb.
     I have written one book about 22q that I'm proud of. So whatever is in this book might be somewhat similar, but all I'm trying to do is be an inspiration to others and trying to get the word 22q out there for everyone. I plan on writing more books throughout my time being. I want to do some children books as well. I love to write. Writing about my syndrome inspired me and teaches me more about myself as well.