PAPER FLOWERS || TAEKOOK

CHAPTER - 24

Third month dairy :-

Date - XX-XX-XXXX

Dear dairy

I have started to feel this pain regularly now. Before , i used to experience it once a month but now i have started to feel this slight pain regularly. Honestly i don’t care about this pain , my taehyungie face is enough to make me forget about any kind of pain...... But my mom , she panicked badly when i told her about this regular pain. She said she is going to tell dad about it. But somehow i managed to stop her from telling him...... My dad is a workaholic and for him his reputation matters the most . I don’t hate him but i just can’t forget that my sister died because of him and you know i never saw a single tear of guilt in his eyes in fact after noona’s death he started to work even harder........ To be honest i don’t know why i don’t want him to know about my sickness but there is an unknown fear about how he will react , what if he would be ashamed of me too like he was of my noona....... I don’t even want mom to work this hard just to collect money for my treatment. Dad thinks that she is doing this job for her career but that’s not true. She is doing this to save me and i hate it. I hate seeing my mom working this hard for me..... We people take every possible measures to avoid death all our live , we take those bitter medices , gets operated , eat healthy , do exercises but in the end we all die , isn't is funny? Sometimes i can’t help myself but to think that if i will die will there be anyone who will miss me except for mom?

Thank you for listening to me. I will see you next month , hopefully.......

Goodnight

Forth month dairy :-

Date - XX-XX-XXXX

Dear dairy

Another lonely month has passed with the same damn chest pain...... Yesterday when i was coming home from college , i saw a group of friends hanging out together , they were looking so happy. I wish i could also have someone whom i could call friend too..... I really envy people who have friends , i also want to make friends but no one wants to be friend with a nerd like me...... I still remember when i had to eat alone in school , it was so embarrassing that i stopped eating lunch. Even though i am in final year of university now but i still don’t eat lunch , i still feel embarrass...... I remember i used to go school via school bus so i always got to reach school before the gate opens. There used to be many friends group standing around me but i used to stand alone , i used to pretend like i am waiting for my friends too. It was so embarrassing i used to feel like those people around me were internally laughing at me..... For me taehyungie has always been a moon who has always been surrounded with so many stars , where i’m just a lonely person who admires him from afar....... I know that in this live it’s impossible for me have friends and my taehyungie but in my next life taehyungie will be mine. And i promise that in next life i’ll become the most beautiful person even prettier than jennie.

Thanks for listening . See you next month , hopefully.......

Goodnight

Fifth month dairy :-

Date - XX-XX-XXXX

Dear dairy

Today , my boxing coach yelled at me for not telling him about my sickness , he said i can't continue to practice boxing as I'm not well...... And it all happened because mom told him. Aghhh mom can never understand how important it is for me to be strong to protect taehyungie from his father...... Ever since i heard him screaming in pain while getting beaten up , i promised myself to be strong enough to protect him from everyone. When i saw him screaming in pain that time , i was just 13 years old and i knew that i can’t protect him that time but now I've grown up and i need to be the strongest for my taehyungie...... I'm not that strong yet , i need to practice more. But now my coach won't let me. And this fucking chest pain , this pain is ruining everything...... It's all my fault just because I'm still not strong enough to deal with his father , tae have to get beaten up till now and i'm still unable to help him. I feel useless. I can do nothing but to let him take out all his frustration on myself...... Yesterday i saw him hissing in pain when jack accident touched his back. He tried not to show it but i could see him suffering internally. He also punched me a bit harder that day i knew that he was so frustrated with his life. And now I don't care what my coach and doctor will say, but i’ll do anything to help him.....

Thank you for listening . See you next month , hopefully........

Goodnight