Ninth month dairy :-
Date- XX-XX-XXXX
Dear dairy
Its getting harder for me to stop mom from telling dad about me because as days are passing by , my heartache is increasing and I'm getting weaker and weaker..... I feel this burden on my heart all the time. I have started to forget how it used to feel with no pain in there..... But you know it's nothing infront of the pain i feel when i saw tae passing smile to jennie. No matter how many times I'll tell myself not to get jealous of her but i just can't help it. I can't help myself but to think that it should be me , it should be me standing next to him , it should be me to whom he should have passed this ethereal smile of his....... Sometimes i feel this strong urge to go and push jennie away from my taehyungie and tell her to stay away from him because he is mine. But i know i can't , he will never be mine...... I still remember the day when i saw him for the first time. It was my first day in kindergarten i was so excited to make new friends. And there i saw him sitting alone. I tried my best to be friends with him but he hates me from the very first day we met..... It was love at first side for me but hate at first side for him..... Sometimes i ask myself , am i so hard to love?
That was all ,Thank you for listening. See you next month , hopefully......
Goodnight
Tenth month dairy :-
Date - XX-XX-XXXX
Dear dairy
I practiced for around twenty times to make a perfect strwaberry cake. You know the occasion? No it was not for Christmas. It's for my tae's birthday..... I noticed him being in a horrible mood. Even though everyone was forbidden to even go near tae on that day but i coudn't see him being alone and sad.... He was trying so hard to look furious but i could clearly see the sadness behind his mad face so i thought to prepare this cake of his favourite strawberry flavor..... But my clumsy self burnt my hands too. I hoped that he would like it. But he didn't even taste it. He threw it away. I felt like someone litrally snatched out my heart..... Umm but there is something good too that happened to me. I got a friend. He is a new student. Everyone was shocked that how can a student change his college in a final year but i guess he had some connections with our principal..... By the way his name is jimin. He looks like a nice guy. I'm so happy..... I remember the day when it was my first day in kindergarten and i told mom that I'm gonna make so many friends. I didn't knew that time that it will take me 15 years to make a single friend......
Thank you for listening. I will see you next month , hopefully.
Goodnight
Eleventh month dairy :-
Date - XX-XX-XXXX
Dear dairy
I'm sorry.... I know mom will hate me for doing this and noona will be so mad at me when I'll meet her but i am really done loving him from afar..... I know I'm sounding selfish but i want his love. I'm going to die anyway right , this transplant is not going to make me immortal...... Ever since i have came back from my suspension , taehyung has stopped bullying me. He don't even look at me now. Its killing me from inside...... I remember he said that he want a gucci bag the other day. I checked the cost of that bag it's same as my transplant fees..... I have two options now. First one is to love him from afar all my life. And second is to use that fees to buy him his favorite bag and in exchange of that i will ask him to be my lover for the days that are left.... I know i wanted to live to see him but this greed of his love is eating me. This one sided love feels like its burning me. I would rather choose to die as his lover..... I know , i know well that making a deal for love is wrong , but so what? I just want some love from him. Not for years , not for months but only for few weaks. What's wrong in it? Am i asking for too much?
That was all , thank you for listening to me. I can't promise you to meet next month because i myself don't know if I'll be alive till then or not......
Good night
This was the last page of the dairy. Dairy of one month before jungkook's death was missing.
What happened in that one month?
Taehyung closed the dairy with shaking hands. His eyes were swollen due to crying , nose was red , lips were wobbling , throat was dry and his heart was heavy . This was the biggest nightmare of his life. Taehyung just wanted to wake up from this nightmare. He closed his eyes and lied down on floor.
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PAPER FLOWERS || TAEKOOK
FanfictieTaehyung - where were you? I was missing you so much Jungkook - i was there tae, i was always there by your side but you never noticed me You may hear Understand by keshi or i love you by billie eilish while reading the ff for better experience. Th...
