Mothers from imagination

You don't need to hide it from me || hbc

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    sad, comfort
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"You can have what you want, dear."

Y/N walked around the stationary area and bookshelves, which were her all time favourite places in the supermarket, as soon as she got a permission from her momma. Whenever she found what she wanted, she checked the price and put them back. The smile on her face was getting faded with the times she made the same behaviour. Helena watched and studied her little girl's behaviour near her without being caught. After about 15-20 minutes, she found one with the best reasonable price. She went to her momma and said,
"I want this, momma."
"Only one?"
"Yes."
Helena's heart sank. She did not know the exact reason, but she knew she couldn't bear seeing her daughter sad.
"Are you sure, darling? You can add to your list if you want."
"No. This is all I want."
"Okay then."
Helena did not say anything, and they paid for all of the items they bought. After that, they went to their car in the parking place.

**In the car**
"Darling..."
"Yes, momma."
"I know you really like what you got today, but I want you to know that momma can buy whatever you want and whatever you need as much as you want. I saw there were many things you checked and put back on shelves. Do you want to explain what's happening?"
"They're too expensive, momma."
"So?"
"So, what if we run out of money because I bought what I want and don't think about all of us? I bought what I wanted and if there is  something we need to buy for all of us instead of for myself? We may starve if we don't have enough food. I don't want to waste money, mama. I don't want to suffer again. I have no courage to face that. Not only for me, but also for all of you. We need to buy other things, like food or drinks, right? Instead of buying books, stationary items or fluffy toys, we can buy lots of food, right?"
Y/N anxiously explained to her mama, looking down at her nervously playing fingers. Helena felt like her heart was gripping by a strong hand. The pain spread through her whole body after hearing her daughter's shaky voice. She had no idea that Y/N had money insecurity. Her trauma given by her previous foster-parents was too painful to watch.

"Have you ever bought something for yourself before?" Helena asked. Behind her soft voice, there were lots of tears.

"Yeah... maybe once or twice? The first time was when I bought Brownie." — Brownie was Y/N's childhood friend, a teddy bear.— "I  blamed myself for months after buying her."

"Why? I think you love her so much."

"I do. I had never been happier to have her. The reason is because we need some money, well, my tuition fees, at the same time. I could have used those money for my tuition. My parents were struggling with everything that time because we all relied on the income of our father. He's the only person who earned for the whole family. All I could do was listening to their intense conversation because of not having enough money and having lots to bills to pay and blaming myself for choosing to buy a teddy bear. I couldn't show my feelings because I need to be strong, at least for my sister. I always wanted to cry and scream every time I heard their voice because it made me feel so sad and little, but I couldn't. There's no time and room for it. I always cried myself to sleep because it was the only time I could let my emotions flow freely without being judged or worried. My father was getting older, and as the oldest daughter, I needed to do something. But I couldn't do anything else, but sitting there and thinking about what I should do and how I could earn money as I was a totally stranger in this field. Moreover, I was scared. After that case, I decided not to buy if I don't need it. I know how hard it is to make money, so I have no heart to buy everything I want since then."

Y/N quickly wiped the tears falling down with the back of her hand and turned her head to the other side, hiding her tears from Helena. This was the very first time she shared about this with someone.
"Sorry. This is weak." She said softly, yet in a voice of cracking with emotion.

"Oh my poor baby." Helena murmured, pulling the girl into her arms.
"You can cry, my love. Crying is not weak. Tears are a way of communication when you can't communicate with words. And You don't need to hide it from me. If so, what's the point of having me in your life? You don't have to hide it from anyone, especially from me, especially when you need me most. Not anymore... Shhh... Shhh." She cooed the girl as she was rubbing her back and kissing in her hair and on her temple.

Y/N finally collapsed against her momma's chest, sobbing her eyes out without even thinking about where they were. In this moment, the wall of her burden crumbled, and all of her hidden tears fell down like a dam opened up. Time was running slower that made her feel like there were only she and her momma in the whole world who were alive and moving. The sound around her was getting faded. The only sound she heard was her momma's. The only things she could feel were the hand rubbing on the back, the kisses on her temple and the vibration on her momma's chest because of her breathing and speaking to her. Y/N cried and cried until there was no tear left to fall. Helena allowed her to cry in her arms, sharing her burden by being present alongside her and saying nothing, but soothing words. Mostly she shared the pain in silence, adding some comforting gestures.

Time passed, and Y/N's sobs were getting faded into sniffles. Finally, Helena looked at her daughter from her arm length and cupped her face, wiping tears away with her thumbs. She moved some hair behind her ears and smiled at her softly.
"Feeling okay now?" Helena asked, looking into her eyes. Y/N gave the answer by nodding.
"Okay. Let's start the engine. Seatbelt please." Helena continued as she pointed at the seatbelt. After they had all set up, they headed their way to home.

On the way home, the tired girl was slowly drowning into dreamland with the strong feeling of that she had her momma, who would share her burden with love and face every struggle together.

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Words: 1140
Started date: 6/Dec/2023 (21:30)
Finished date: 6/Dec/2023 (23:50)

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A.N
Another unexpected story that came to my mind was presented. I hope I have time continue the story later. This was written under the short period of time, so please bare with some mistakes I made. I promise you that I will edit them later. Thank you so much for choosing this book to read. Thank you so much for reading my imperfections with love and kindness. Thank you so much.💗