OFF THE RECORD (First Person)

4. Knowing

Guillermo 'Memo'
For as long as I could remember, I had always been in love with Erica. Ever since I met her, I knew she was special.

I could recall clearly my childhood depression, which back then was just called chiflazon, or wackiness. Forced by my mother, Mrs. Lucia, I had gone back to that familiar classroom, with the same teacher I had had the past school year. I felt ashamed. I didn't want to believe I was dumb. It was just difficult for me to retain certain information essential to pass to the next grade.

I wanted to blame the sudden changes I had to overcome, like moving from one city to another in a short period of time, but my older brother, Tomas, seemed to assimilate just fine, without a problem.

Not being able to reach the needed grade of the standardized state test, I had to stay in the same fourth grade level, while all my classmates left me to continue their journey together. I felt beyond self-conscious. I imagined them laughing behind my back. Some even called me names, mocking me around. I hated going to school.

The only positive outcome had been father agreeing to not move us to another military city base. If needed, father, Mr. Ignacio Leon, would transfer just himself, leaving mother and us boys in Corpus Christi.

Erica Alvarez was a shy girl, intimidated by the language that she didn't know. Her big brown eyes would fill with tears, which by her pride, would not leave her sockets, when she couldn't understand something.

Nevertheless, I was assigned to try to help her as much as I could. Regina Gonzalez and I, who were the few kids that spoke Spanish in our classroom, would take turns to not leave her helpless. Regina had only arrived in the country in the past year, but she had absorbed the language and the routine quickly.

I thought that if I very well taught Erica and she understood what I explained to her, I wasn't as dumb as I felt.

"Halfway there, buddy. You ready?" Asked Robert, my partner, sitting on the copilot seat on our cruiser. He placed an energy drink can on the cup holder.

I nodded, turning the engine on. We only had a couple of months being each other partners, but he had fully gained my trust.

My last partner, a grumpy veteran, had giving me a sort of introduction to the career, working at his side. I felt overshadowed, without a chance to share my ideas or question certain actions.

That year and a half with old Ed had opened my eyes of what being a policeman really meant. I had found out, horrifically, how the moral lines overlapped between right and wrong. Old Ed would break through the city without remorse, appointing himself a justice maker.

When I had tried to raise my voice against his actions, the higher ranked officers would dismiss me, with the excuse of old Ed's coming retirement.

"Do try to learn as much as you can from him. The old man has lived through it all." Had told me my superior, Capitan Mireles, one of the many times I couldn't bite my tongue.

I didn't think that was excuse enough to be a shitty person, but I held it together the time I had left with Ed, trying to intervene personally when he would abuse his power on my watch. That gave me a couple of problems with the old man, but it was the least I could do without being fired.

Robert Willis was a rookie, who had graduated police academy a year ago, so he lacked some experience, even if only a bit. Even so, Robert was a conscious man, with an open mind and a calling to serve the city where he was born.

If he was two years younger than me, it didn't seem like it. He reached me, even surpassed me, being a bulky six feet and three inches tall man, with dark brown hair and deep tan skin. He was intimidating at sight, using a stoic expression when he was on the clock, but with me and his close friends and family, his smile was usually present.