24 to 25 // minsung

d a y 7

December 7th

Why.

Why I agreed?

Why another time I agreed to go out with Jisung?

I need to leave him.

But I can't.

I like him.

But I can't like him.

I should leave him before I'll hurt him.

But if I'll leave him he will suffer anyways.

...

We know each other only one week.

I shouldn't like him.

He shouldn't like me.

Why I let him like me?

And why I let myself being liked by he.

I should die faster.

Sooner.

I...

Should I punish myself again?

Maybe stop eating?

No...

It need to be painful.

Another cuts?

Deeper?

More?

Should I?

No.

I must.

I must punish myself.

I deserve only pain.

I deserve to be dead.

'Minho! Why didn't you pay attention to cookies? They burned!'

Minho immediately looked at oven, seeing black cookies which supposed to be slightly brown.

'Fuck... I'm so sorry...'

'You look very pensive... Is everything okay?'

Jisung noticed after taking care of burned cookies, looking at Minho.

'Yes.'

'You lie.'

'I don't.'

'Yes you are. When you lie your cheeks are red. I noticed it. And you lie a lot around me. Why? I know we don't know each other well but... Am I that untrustworthy? That you lie almost every single time when I ask if everything is okay? You can tell me what's going on. I see that something is clearly not okay...'

'...Jisung I'm sorry but it's not your business.'

Older's voice in one second turned into very cold tone and his eyes darken.

'And stop ask if everything is okay. You shouldn't care. You are nobody to me and I am nobody to you. Stop trying to get closer. We will never be close.'

Hearing that Jisung felt dose of pain in his heart. It... Hurt. He really tried be nice and helpful. He started like Minho a lot. But... As he could see, it was one-sided.

'... Okay... '

It was all what brunette could say with shaky voice. He just wanted cry. He felt oceans of tears in his eyes. He felt same as when he was dating his previous boyfriend. Same cold tone. Same behaviour. Same unconcern.

Lee noticed younger's mood change. And it made him feel so bad. Jisung only wanted to be nice. We cared. He was worried for real.

'It will be better if I'll leave.'

Right after saying it Minho just left Han's flat, not even letting him say anything.

He felt bad because he made Jisung feel sad. Actually... It was last thing he wanted to do. But letting him be closer and closer would be big mistake.

Right after coming back home Minho started cry. He didn't even know why. He wanted die, but he didn't want to leave Jisung. He wanted be alone, but he felt amazing when younger was around. He liked silence, but Han's voice was comfy to listen. He liked Jisung's soft smell. He liked his sensitiveness. He liked his laugh, he liked his eyes, he liked everything about Jisung. Why it was so hard?

Lee was crying few hours. He didn't even notice that it was dark outside. He still felt bad. He literally almost cried himself to sleep, but suddenly his phone rang.

'Yes?'

'Please come over.'

'Jisung? Why-'

'Just move your fucking ass and come here because I am so fucking scared of my ex who's keep trying to come to my apartment. Just please come here and stay with me. Let me feel safe last time before I'll leave you as you wish.'

Those words broke Minho's heart.

Let me feel safe.

It was all what Jisung wanted. He just wanted to feel safe.

'I'll be in few minutes.'

Not even wearing jacket Minho ran out of his flat, going straight to younger's apartment. He was really worried. What if Jisung's ex will hurt him? No. There was no way. Minho couldn't let it happen.

'Jisung!! Baby, please open the door.'

After few minutes of literally murder running Minho started knocking on the door of Han's place like maniac.

Not even minute later door opened and Minho immediately grabbed brunette's waist, hugging him tightly.

'I... I am so sorry... For what I said before... For you had to wait that long... For my behaviour... I am so sorry...'

Lee barely could breath, but he felt he need to apology and comfort younger one. He knew there was something wrong, because Han didn't answered, but when they broke a hug, Minho notice that, Jisung was giving him biggest side eye on the world.

'Did you just called me BABY?'

Oh. Shit.