24 to 25 // minsung

d a y 1 3

December 13th

I hate myself.

I hate myself so bad...

I hate myself because I let him be closer to me

I hate myself because I let him love

I hate myself because I let myself love him...

I admit it...

I fell for him.

It's ridiculous...

How could I fell in love with someone who I know barely two weeks?

I don't know...

But with every second I spend with him I fall for him more

His eyes...

His voice...

His sweet smell...

His touch, his soft and fluffy hugs, his personality...

Dear Jisung.

If you'll every find my notes I just want you to know I am so sorry

I am so sorry for falling for you

I am so sorry for giving you fake hopes

I am so sorry for being liar

I really...

I really love you.

But I need to die

I need to end my life

It's too much...

I will tell you why in my last day.

I promise I'll explain.

'Hey...'

'Yes?'

Why your hands are so cold? And you are so pale... You never looked like that... What's wrong? Are you sick? Should we go to doctor?'

'No... It's okay...'

'I'm not sure... Wait, I'll make you warm tea and I'll give you blanket.'

Jisung immediately wrapped Minho into blanket and ran to kitchen, coming back with big mug of tea.

'Are you sure everything is fine? You look like ghost...'

'Yeah... I just need to go to bathroom...'

'Should I go with you?'

'No... I'm okay, I'll be right back...'

Lee went to bathroom, immediately checking his buts, which, unfortunately opened and started bleed again.

'Fuck...'

He didn't have another bangade, his current bandage was covered in blood. He could ask jisung for help, so... He needed to leave him without explaining anything.

He rubbed his face, feeling tears rolling down his cheeks. He had to leave Jisung, but how? What should he say? Should he be rude? Or just leave?

'Fuck!'

He shouted uncontrolled, sitting on the floor and just starting cry.

'Min? What happe- holy shit... You did it now??'

'Please leave me...'

'You are ridiculous...'

Han immediately grabber first aid kit, wrapping older's arm in fresh bandage tightly. He didn't talk to Minho, he wolny helped him to stand up and go to living room, where he wrapped him into blanket and sat on the floor, grabbing his hand.

They stayed in silence. Minho was lying on sofa, Jisung was sitting on floor, softly hugging his cheek to older's hand.

'Minho? You don't need to explain yourself... But... Is it something you can't handle with? You are kinda addicted to harming yourself?'

'No...'

'Do you think you would be able to never do it again and at least try to talk with me when you feel you want to do it again?'

'I can try...'

Younger one stood up and very sensitively lied down next to Minho, hugging to him.

'I'm so sorry if something in your life made you feel that awful that you hurt yourself... I'm totally aware we don't know each other so long but... If you want to be listened to I am here. I won't judge you, I won't comment anything. I'll just be here, ready to listen to you, ready to comfort you and be your comfort person. I'm here for you. '

'Thank you... Thank you that you talked to me in that park...'

Thank you for everything...