24 to 25 // minsung

d a y 1 4

December 14th

...

I fucked up...

I feel so bad...

I feel terrible...

How could I show Jisung myself in that condition?

I am so pathetic.

I deserve to die...

'Hey... How are you now? You slept over twelve hours...'

'What? Fuck... I'm so sorry...'

'There's nothing to be sorry about... Are your arms hurt less?'

'Yeah... Thank you...'

'It's okay... You should eat something.'

Jisung carefully stood up and went to kitchen, starting cook some breakfast. He felt confused and odd. He literally saw his... Friend? With bleeding self-harms cuts, crying out his eyes. He felt tears in his eyes as well. Why? Why Minho did that? What made him do that?

Younger's muscles tensed when he felt sudden backhug, but he didn't even turned around. He just felt how Minho strengthening his hug, hiding his face in Han's neck.

'Typical, but... I can't handle with my mental health... Which is ruined by my parents of course... My sister who had very rare disease passed away month ago. Even if doctors said I couldn't be donor of bone marrow, my partner didn't understand and they keep saying it's my fault and it should be me who need to die... Not my sister. Everyday they text me, they blame me, they telling me I am the one who should die. Everyday they tell me how useless I am, how pathetic I am... I fed up... I don't know how long can I handle with it...'

Jisung was listen to Minho carefully in silence. With every word he felt more tear in his eyes slowly rolling down his face. He faced Minho, who was crying as well, and wiped his tears.

'It is not your fault. Okay? Please don't even think like that. I... I know it needs to be hard for you but you are not guilty. It is not your fault that your genes are different. I am so sorry for your lost, from the bottom of my heart. But even if doctors said you can't help its not your fault. Please don't let yourself think that you are useless or else... You are so precious. You are nice, you take care of people around, I noticed it. You take care of your cat, of animals around, you always try to help, you are treasure for this world. Don't forget it. Please don't think you are useless and you need to die. There's a lot of things you can do in future. I know it's not huge motivation but... Let's make small challenges? In next 10 minutes we will finish making breakfast. In one hour we will eat it and we will cuddle. Then we will play some Nintendo games. And another, and another. I won't let you end up with yourself. There's no way. I started like you too much to let you go. I want to make you feel needed. For real. '

Small tears slowly rolled down both boys cheeks when they looked into their eyes. Jisung hugged older one tightly, letting him cry into his arm.

'It's okay. I'll stay here. I'm not planning to leave you.'

But I'm planning to leave you...