You knew the risks of this job even before you joined the military, you always wanted to serve your country and save people's lives even if it meant for you to risk yours.
You always followed orders even almost blindly at one point, it was your job. you didn't mind putting your life to risk since you didn't have much to lose anyways, that was until you met the simon 'ghost' riley.
After you had a mission with the TF141 you got offered to join them, which you gladly accepted. they had a good reputation and you trusted them.
You even managed to befriend ghost very quickly, you weren't much of a talker and kept everything to yourself. so he got pretty interested in you and you both just clicked instantly.
You both have been in a relationship for 3 years now, no matter the circumstances with the mission and everything. you both loved each other and just didn't really care as long as you had each other.
It was hard for you to actually be in a relationship with him, you were scared to become vulnerable, that it affected you in missions or that you didn't follow orders anymore for him.
And you were right. you had to do a mission, a suicide mission. at first you didn't want to do it and got into a short fight with price but you didn't have a choice, you had to do it.
You didn't tell ghost, you didn't want him to change your mind. you knew you had to tell him eventually, he deserved to know but you kept on pushing it forward and forward until it was the day before the mission.
You sighed as you sat on the edge of your bed, you were nervous and anxious, you have been struggling for the past hour to find the courage to go to ghost and tell him.
You wiped you sweaty hands off on your thighs as you stood up, you took a deep breath as you put on your shoes.
You walked out of your room and walked towards ghost's room. you stood infront of his room taking another deep breath as you knocked on the door. ghost opened the door as he looked at you "hey are you alright?" he asked.
"Can we talk?", he sighed as he let you in "can't this wait till tomorrow y/n?" he was visibly tired from the mission he had today. you let out a shaky breath as you sat down on his bed and he closed his door.
"No it'll be too late tomorrow" he rubbed his eyes as he stood infront of you now "what are you talking about?" he asked furrowing his eyebrows, he sensed something was wrong.
"I have to go on a mission tomorrow" you sighed, you couldn't find the right words to tell him "what mission?", "a suicide mission" you mumbled looking at the floor.
"You're joking right?" he chuckled nervously. you didn't answer "look at me and tell me you're fucking joking" he said aggressive this time. you looked at him seeing his eyes watering, he didn't look tired anymore, just shocked.
"I'm not, I'm sorry" your voice broke slightly as you said that, a tear rolled down your cheek. he shifted closer to you. "you can't go, I won't let you we should talk with pri-" he began as you stopped him "I already did there's no other choice".
Tears fell down his cheek now too as you both just looked at each other, neither of you could find words to say as you just silently cried. you leaned into him, hugging him as he hugged you back, he leaned back so you layed on top of him.
"I don't want you to die", you could hear the pain in his voice "I don't want to either simon I'm sorry" you said grabbing into his shirt as you cried into his chest.
You finally raised your head looking at him "I love simon", "I love you too y/n" he said looking back at you as you sinked your head into his chest again.
The both of you laid on the bed all night as you talked and cried together, none of you got sleep that night. you still went to the mission that morning, he watched you step into the helicopter.
He hoped somehow he would see you step out of it again, he hoped that he would hear that you magically survived but you didn't, as price pronounced you KIA he completely fell apart infront of him.
Price comforted him and supported him but he never truly healed from it. he just learned how to hide his pain.
