A Reason For Being

Chapter Thirteen

Matsu

I sit in Nakama's with a pint of Sapporo beer. I reach for a cigarette in my pocket and light it up as I hold it between my lips. I always smoke when I'm stressed or anxious. It's an unhealthy habit that Tori and the rest of the pack taught me. I know it's terrible for my health, but it relaxes me for a minute in a world full of stress and worry. My motorbike helmet sits at my side with some legal documents. I did some digging with Ted, and it turns out that I inherited my adoptive parent's tattoo parlour. It feels weird. I never thought they loved me enough to leave something so important to them, to me. Maybe they cared for me more than I thought. I could do it all up. Open it up. Make a legal living for myself. Keep their memory alive.

I think about Sora. She was so angry with me. She doesn't want me here. She blames me. Maybe I'm responsible? Perhaps it was my fault? Had I unknowingly betrayed the pack? Was I unknowingly a mutt? The thought makes me want to be sick. My timing isn't exactly the best either. I should have realized it was the fifth anniversary. I guess I sort of stopped counting. My muscles feel tense. I can feel my heart pounding inside my body. Did I kill my pack? My family? 

My thoughts are interrupted as the door opens. I turn my head to see a boy entering. I recognize him – the boy with Sora. He didn't say much, but it's him. He's still wearing his school uniform. I don't think he's supposed to be here. I can smell his scent. He's a wolf. He meekly lingers around the door indecisively for a moment before making eye contact with me and sitting in the seat opposite me.

"Hello," he says.

"Hi," I say so awkwardly that I almost sound rude or angry.

"We didn't get a chance to introduce ourselves before. Did we? I'm Kaz. Kaz Hayashi," he says. His face is turning beetroot red, and his legs shake under the table like a dancing jellyfish. I think he finds me intimidating.

"Not exactly. Matsuda Moriko, but my friends call me Matsu for short," I reply. I crush the cigarette against the ashtray and leave it. I exhale a final anxious breath of smoke and shake his hand to make him feel a bit more comfortable.

"What friends?" he says ironically.

I sigh. "What do you want, kid?"

"Sora told me not to come looking for you, and I know we don't know each other, but I need your help. Some people have my DNA, and I need to switch it with a fake sample before they realize there are wolves in Sector Five," he explains. He leans in closer to me and speaks quieter so that no one else can overhear our conversation.

"You're wasting your time, kid. I can't." I sip my beer.

Kaz looks at me confused. "What? Why not?"

"I... I just can't. I'm leaving," I argue. I just made up my mind. I'm going. Coming here was a mistake. I don't know where I'll go. I should have never left Sector Six. Or maybe I'm just saying this because I'm afraid – afraid of staying, afraid of realizing what I did and who I am. A murderer. A mass murder.

"You only just got here. What about Sora?" Kaz says

I try to excuse myself. "What about her? She doesn't want me here."

"That's not true. She's angry. She's hurting. She's healing. Give her time to process everything. In the meantime, help me. If your friendship, ever meant anything, then do this not for me but for her, you drunken coward!" He slams his hand against the table and spills my beer. It floods the table.

"'I'm not a coward!" I yell, but he's right. I am a coward.

"Then prove it and help me," Kaz argues.

I rub my forehead. "You don't give up do you, kid? OK."

"OK?" Kaz frowns.

"OK. I'll help you, but then I'm leaving," I say.

"OK. We need a fake DNA sample to swap at the lab. I have a friend called Haruki who should be able to help, but the only problem is finding her. She's a stray, and they've all gone into hiding since the Keepers were given orders to kill them on sight." Kaz explains.

"What about the birds?" I say.

"What about them?" he says, slightly confused.

"If we bribe them with some seeds, then they could easily find your friend and give her a message that we need to meet her," I say.

"Sounds like a plan," Kaz agrees.