A Reason For Being

Chapter Ten

Matsu

"What are you doing?" says Tori as she enters the apartment, but I don't respond and blank her. I brush a hand through my hair as I stare at a photo. I found the picture in my bag in a pocket I had forgotten existed. The photo looks like it was taken on one of those old Polaroid cameras. It has a bright, white canvas frame. The picture is worn out, discoloured, and slightly crumpled.

I see a boy and a girl in the photo. They look like they're on a beach. The boy has a slender and strong frame. His hair is jet black, and he has a Mohawk hairstyle. His eyes are seaweed green. He's wearing a smart suit. The girl in the picture is smiling. Her toned arms are around the boy, and she's wearing a denim jacket over a simple, plain-black prom dress. Her hair is bright, electric blue. Her eyes are deep-sea blue. Her eyes are covered in coal-black eyeliner and mascara with dark nude lipstick.

As I stare at the picture, Tori hovers over my shoulder and plucks the photo from my fingers.

"What the fuck, Tori! That's mine! Give it back!" I yell, but she doesn't. The floorboards creak as I chase her across the room. I climb over the furniture, and I pursue her. She's faster and more agile than I am. I launch myself at her, and my body smacks the floor. I grab her foot. She stumbles to the floor. We fight like brother and sister. We get to our feet. She holds the picture higher than I can reach with one hand. Her other hand facepalms so I can't see. I stretch my hands out blindly.

"Is that you and the girl from Sector Five?" Tori says. The apartment is small and bare. We don't care much for decoration. The living room and kitchen are the same. There are two bedrooms and a bathroom. We can't afford beds, so we sleep on mattresses with blank sheets. The walls are plain as were not allowed to paint them. All the furniture is second-hand, maybe even third-hand. We barely have enough money for rent every month, but the apartment is worth it for the view of Sector Six from the balcony.

"Yeah, Sora Sakurai, but she died. How do you know Sora?" I jostle her hand from my face. I feel a void in my heart – a void that can't be filled or replaced. I haven't thought of Sora for a while. I tried to forget her, but I couldn't. How could I? She was a storm, a hurricane, not the sort you run from but the sort you chase.

I remember the conversation I had with her father a few nights before the bonding ceremony, a few nights before she died. I promised I would look after her, but I didn't. I failed. I broke my promise. She was gone. How can someone just be gone? How can you never talk to that person again? How can the world carry on? I miss her. I miss her so damn much. Every atom inside my body misses her. At that moment, nothing in the universe feels heavier. I feel like I'm dragging a bag of heavy rocks behind me.

"That girl isn't dead. I recognize her. Her hair was blond when I saw her, not blue, but it was her," Tori says.

My heart stops beating, and I feel paralyzed. I can't move. I don't believe what I'm hearing. She's lying. She can't be telling the truth. If Sora were alive, then I would know. She was my best friend. Tori must be playing some kind of sick prank on me.

"What? That's not possible. I don't believe you. You're lying," I say. I feel my face turning red and tears filling my eyes, but I don't cry. I can't give Tori the satisfaction she wants. I want to believe her. I wish I could, but I know it's not true. Sora died in the Okami attacks with the rest of our pack. I'd know if she was alive. Wouldn't I?

"Am not. Remember when I went to all the Sectors in search of wolves to join our ranks while you stayed here? I saw her. She was the only wolf in Sector Five, but I'm pretty sure it was her, and she was alive. I didn't talk to her or anything. She wasn't exactly our type. She must have been the sole survivor of the Okami attacks – well, her and you. Anyway, why would I lie to you?" she says.