A Reason For Being

Chapter Thirty-nine

Chapter 35

Sora

I can't. I can't stay inside. I need to go outside. Staying inside the bunker is driving me insane. There are no windows or natural light. My brain is filled with anxiety and worry for the future. I have a headache that's slowly poisoning me and turning me numb. I need to stretch my body, feel the fresh air on my skin, and listen to the evening birdsong. I go to the bunker entrances and see Hibiki, Ted, and Cho on duty.

"Hi, Sora. You OK?" Cho greets me. There aren't many of us left in the bunker. Aki, Kaz, and the other civilians were evacuated an hour ago. Even if I went with them to say goodbye to Kaz, I still want to go outside again.

"Yeah. I just wanted to go outside for some air. Is that OK?" I say.

"Sure. Wave at the camera when you want to come back in." She smiles. She presses a button, and the doors begin to open. I put my mask on. I instantly feel the fresh, cold air on my skin, and somehow, I feel like I can breathe better.

"I'll come too," Ted says. I grit my teeth. I don't want him to come, but I don't say anything, and he follows me outside. This is my chance to get him to change his mind about using the bullets tomorrow. I have to try at least.

"How come you went to live at the fort after your parents died? Why didn't you just stay at your parents' house?" Ted questions. We sit on the floor and pick at the grass.

"I don't know. I couldn't keep living there. All their things were still there, from the last time they had used them. It was as if they weren't gone, but then I had to keep reminding myself that they were," I say.

"Your dad and Akuma have some connection. I think we should go to the house and look for something that links them together. Aren't you curious about how they knew each other?" Ted says.

"Of course, I am, but I don't know if I can go back," I say nervously.

"It'll be OK." Ted smiles. He stands up and pulls me to my feet, then we head to the house. It's a bit of a walk. We have to divert around the ravine now that the bridge is broken. The fence has been fixed, so we have to climb over it. The house is in Sector Five but relatively close to the fence.

We reach the house. It's surrounded by acres of land. I almost forgot how big the house was. I vaguely remember living in different rented houses in the Sector until my parents could afford this place. They worked hard to save up for it.

I reach into my pocket for the key and unlock the door. I don't know why I still carry my keys everywhere I go. I guess it's a habit. I switch the light on, and we fumble inside. My brain is flooded with memories. Happy and sad. We look around the house. I smile at the baby pictures on the walls and pictures of my parents getting married. They were so young. There's dust and spiderwebs everywhere, but it hasn't changed. It's still home.

I individually have a glance at all the rooms. I entered my old bedroom. The walls are plastered with pictures and posters. One of the walls is painted to look like the solar system. There are planets, suns, and constellations. I found a collection of old toys. It's weird. I still remember all their names.

I go into my parent's room to look for clues. I feel like I'm invading their personal space. I shouldn't be in here. I open one of the drawers and smell my parent's clothes. They smell damp and of dust, but their scent remains. I find a notebook on my dad's bedside table. I read through the pages. Ted enters and reads it over my shoulder. The diary is too big to read in one sitting but I flick through the pages and pick out sentences. I grew up in Capitol with my sister and father, my mum died of a fever... I turned into a wolf...My father sent me away...He said that I was sick and I needed a cure... I met other wolves at the lab... Their names where Himawari, Kohana, Akuma, Tadashi, Takara, Kazuko...We grew up together...We were experimented on and abused...We escaped...Akuma killed a little girl...It was my sister...He kept it from us...Takara was killed by humans...It broke Akuma...His hatred for humans grew from there...We found somewhere we could live in peace and called it Paradise... I was there alpha...Akuma told me that he killed my sister...I couldn't stay... The pack thought that I was weak for believing that we could co-exist with humans...The pack turned against me, everyone but Himawari...Akuma became the new alpha...I left Paradise with Himawari and we moved to Sector Five.

Ted rests a hand on my shoulder. The walls that hold me, that make me strong, collapse. Salty tears fall down my cheek. I miss my parents. I miss Matsu. I'm trembling. I can't stop. Everything makes sense or at least almost everything. I still have one question. Who was the man with Matsu? Where is he now? Was he a Peacekeeper? A member of ALFA? Is he dead?

"You were right. Ren was wrong. It's not us or them. We won't use the bullets tomorrow. We'll use the tranquilisers like you said. Enough people have died," Ted says. I hug him and bury my face in his shirt

We head back to the bunker. On the way back. Hibiki and Cho are swapping shifts with Ren when we get back. It's 2.00 a.m. I can't believe we were gone for so long. There are still two hours till we head out, so I go to sleep.