A Reason For Being

Chapter Fifteen

Matsu

I park my motorbike a few streets away from the lab, and then we walk towards the back exit, with white lab coats on to look the part. We wait outside the door, carrying clipboards to look like we're workers on break. I smoke a cigarette. What the hell am I doing here? I shouldn't be here. I'm doing this for Sora, I remind myself. To keep everyone from knowing her secret. To keep her safe. To protect her like I promised her dad. She doesn't need my protection. She never has. She doesn't want me here. She hates me. She blames me for what happened and what I did. I don't blame her.

We both look down at our clipboards as a technician approaches the door. The clipboards ironically have the Nakama's menu on them. It was the only paper we could find. In the corner of my eye, I watch as the technician scans his hand and the door unlocks. I instantly throw my ciggy to the floor and follow them. I manage to grab the door before it closes and locks. The person who enters seems oblivious and disappears in the maze of corridors.

Kaz follows me into the building. He looks impressed. I take a deep breath and scan all the scents in the building like a bloodhound until I find the smell of the sample.

"Follow me," I say, and he does. We find a staircase along the corridor and head upstairs. My heart hurts with anxiety, and I can feel it pulsating inside me like an infection. My breathing is loud and fast. My body is sweating. I think I'm having a panic attack. This isn't the time or place. But when is it ever?

We keep our heads down as we pass cameras. Deleting the CCTV footage is not an option. There are too many people. The scent guides us to a room. The smell is stronger than ever. This is the room. The door is locked. I hear footsteps. Someone's coming. I reach into my bag to get a crowbar and force the door open. Kaz stands in front of me so the cameras can't see me breaking in. We're in.

We haven't got long. Time is of the essence. We scavenge through the drawers and cupboards. As we reach the final cabinet, we find it and swap the sample with Haruki's. There's no time to celebrate. We head to the door but spot a technician approaching. He's too busy staring at his clipboard to see us, but I'm a hundred per cent certain that he's coming to this room. There's nowhere to hide. We're going to get caught. For a moment, my brain goes blank. I don't know what to do. Think. Think. Think. The only other exit is the window. I race towards the window and look outside. We're two stories high, but there's a river beside the building.

"We've got to jump," I say. I open the window.

"Wait... what?" Kaz says. There's no time for arguing or hesitating. We've run out of time. I push Kaz, and he falls backwards out of the window. I hear a splash, but I don't check if he has resurfaced. I hope he's OK. I know he would never have jumped if I hadn't pushed him. Now it's my turn. I take a deep breath and jump. I'm worried that the man saw me as he entered the room, or maybe that's just me being paranoid.

I fall into the river. It's like stumbling onto concrete. The current is strong and sweeps me under. I can't breathe. I think I'm drowning. The water is numbingly cold, and it feels like my body is floating into space. I feel nothing, weightless, empty. I don't fight it. I feel too lazy to fight. I let my body sink. It's peaceful. I haven't felt this peaceful in a long time. Maybe this is the answer to everything. Death. My death. Perhaps it's inevitable, and maybe it'll happen sooner rather than later. Finally, I come to my senses. My lifeless body screams for oxygen, and I use my remaining energy to swim to the surface. I gasp for breath as I reach the surface and float to the side and out of the water to join Kaz.

"You OK?" I question. I watch as he stands and coughs up a gallon of water. I feel bad for pushing him. I rest a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah... yeah... I'm good. We were fucking ninjas," he pants.

I clap a hand on his back and chuckle. "Yeah, we were."

"So... I guess this is goodbye," he says.

"Yeah. It's for the best," I say.

"I still can't believe that you came all this way and now you're just leaving without resolving anything. What's the plan? Where are you heading?" Kaz questions.

"I don't know," I say. I remember Tori talking about a place called Paradise. A utopia and safe haven for wolves. It's a beautiful place filled with mountains, meadows, woods, and crystal-clear lakes, where only wolves live, free of humans. Maybe I'll go there. I never believed that such a place could exist. It doesn't seem possible.

My heart stings at the thought of leaving Sora again. She doesn't want me. She doesn't need me. It hurts, thinking of her every damn day, loving her. It's killing me. I can't do this anymore. I can't. I can't. I can't. She's killing me. She'll be the death of me. I need to let her go like the autumn trees let their leaves go.