So I Married A Rockstar - Season 2

Ch. 19: Facing Fears

My phone rang as I was heading to the kitchen the next morning, and in my coffee-deprived state, I answered without looking at the screen.

"Amy. I'm so glad to get hold of you at last," said Louise Hoffman.

My stomach plunged.

Why in the fucking shitballs hadn't I checked to see who was calling?

"You've been rather coy lately," Louise said, and gave a little laugh. It was sharp around the edges.

"Sorry, I've been really busy," I hedged.

"Putting stories together for me, I hope."

I noticed that she didn't frame it as a question.

"Um, yeah," I said, moving away from the kitchen.

"Wonderful. By now I expect that you can pitch me some of your ideas."

Again, not a question.

The queasy feeling in my stomach grew worse.

"It's a little more complicated than that," I said.

Louise didn't exactly sigh, but it was close. "Amy, I've been extraordinarily patient with you, and you're starting to take advantage of that patience. You promised me an interview with Finn Donovan. Failing that you promised me exclusive articles about his private life, yet you haven't delivered a single promise. I'll remind you that you're not the only candidate for this internship."

Izzy's smug bitch face flashed into my mind, and I sank my teeth into my lower lip.

"I know," I said quietly.

"I'm not in the habit of mincing my words, Amy, so I'll ask you outright." Louise's voice sharpened. "Are you wasting my time?"

"No!" I exclaimed.

Although, wasn't that exactly what I was doing?

I'd had opportunity after opportunity to write about Finn, and I'd ignored them all. I'd decided days ago that I couldn't betray him like that, and after what he'd confided in me yesterday, I felt sick just thinking about destroying that trust.

Why couldn't I just tell Louise that?

Because it meant letting go of this internship – possibly forever. If I let Louise down now, she'd never consider anything from Amy Smith when the internship opened up in again in another two years. Sure, I could invent another pseudonym but I couldn't rely on Jude arranging another exclusive interview for me, nor did I know of any rockstars who were so reluctant to give interviews.

I should have had faith in my talent alone – I knew I was a good writer – but I'd had enough opportunities snatched by Izzy to understand that talent wasn't everything and life wasn't fair.

I didn't know what the fuck to do.

"Then why am I still waiting?" Louise asked.

I'd been in awe of this woman for a long time but I felt a sudden surge of dislike.

"Because, as I said, it's complicated," I said. "If you want the inside scoop on Finn then I have to get close to him, in a way that doesn't make him suspicious. He's not exactly an open book. And it might not be a good idea for any articles to come out while I'm still living here. Did you consider that that might jeopardise my living conditions?"

"Finn would hardly turf you out in this weather," Louise said, but for the first time she didn't sound in control of the conversation.

"Probably not but he can make my life very difficult while I'm here and no one knows how long that will be. I'd like to avoid that, if it's okay with you." I moved further from the kitchen, though I knew I was out of earshot. "Also, the only way I'm going to get anything really juicy is if Finn trusts me, and the second he sees an article come out, that trust will be broken. If it breaks, I absolutely won't get it back."