So I Married A Rockstar - Season 2

Ch. 31: A Gin-Soaked Blur

There was a hammer hitting my skull.

No, there were a hundred – a million hammers hitting my skull.

I cracked open sleep-crusted eyes, and was immediately stabbed in the brain with bolts of winter sunlight.

"Fuuuuuck," I whispered and burrowed under the covers.

That protected me from the light but not from the hammers.

I pressed my palms to my eyes and whimpered.

I hadn't been this hungover in – well, ever.

My stomach pitched, warning me that it was about to empty itself, and I shoved back the covers and ran for the bathroom. I only just made it.

I hunched over the toilet, miserably retching, gin-vomit burning my throat, tears leaking down my cheeks. It seemed to go on forever, my stomach heaving, eyes and nose running, but when I finally had nothing left to throw up, I sank back on my heels and flushed the toilet.

My head still pounded and my mouth tasted foul.

Using the toilet for support, I dragged myself up and fumbled for a toothbrush, careful to avoid the mirror. I did not need to see how much of a horror-show I currently was.

I brushed my teeth twice, then peeled off my clothes and stumbled into the shower, turning up the water as hot as I could take it. I scrubbed my skin until it was pink and raw, but nothing would scrub away what had happened yesterday. At some point, I'd have to face the music.

When I went back into the bedroom, I automatically checked my phone.

More missed calls and voicemails from Louise, which I deleted, but also several missed calls and texts from Lily.

CALL ME WHEN YOU GET THIS! read her last message.

Nerves writhing in my stomach, I scrolled through her previous messages.

Are you drunk?

Wait, you're not serious, are you?

Tasha Harris, answer your damn phone!

Tell me if it's true!

Oh God, Izzy had released my name, hadn't she? If things had been bad yesterday then they were about to get a million times worse –

I stopped, mid-panic.

Before Lily's series of texts was a voice message, from me to her, sent at 9:45 last night. My thumb hovered over the play button, torn between wanting to delete it so I didn't have to know how much more I'd fucked up, and knowing that I had to listen to it.

I played the message.

"Lily," my voice slurred. I sounded like shit. "I fucked up. Why aren't you here? I'm so stupid. Why am I so stupid?"

I had to pause it because I was asking myself the same question again.

"It's true, Lily," my voice went on when I pressed play. "But not all of it. I'm Finn's secret girlfriend, but I'm not his girlfriend because we were only fucking, but now we're not even doing that because he hates me." My voice got all teary. "He hates me, Lily, and I fucking deserve it. I'm such a bitch. This wasn't s'posed to happen."

Last-night me said something else but the words were too slurred for present-me to make out, and then the message ended.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked myself, clutching my phone until my fingers turned white.