So I Married A Rockstar - Season 2

Ch. 25: Breaking The Rules

Several days drifted past, and nothing more came of the rumours, so maybe I'd panicked over nothing. It really had just been a coincidence and no one knew a thing.

I'd have relaxed, except every day Finn encouraged me to go a little deeper into the pool. I still hadn't gone out of my depth yet, and today he'd told me that he wanted me to try something else. He wanted me to put my head under the water.

My initial instinct was to refuse.

Actually my initial instinct was to jump out of the pool and run to my room so I could hide under my bed. Preferably with comfort food. Like cake.

But I couldn't pretend I hadn't made progress, and that Finn hadn't helped me with that. Surely I couldn't have come this far to chicken out now.

But as I stared down at the water, clear and warm and gently swaying around us, bile climbed up my throat.

"I'm right here," Finn said softly.

There were no sharks.

No icebergs.

I couldn't freeze to death.

Finn wouldn't let me drown.

Why the fuck was I still so fucking scared?

Phobias sucked.

"I can do this," I whispered. "I can."

I sucked in several deep breaths, trying to quell my panic. I was safe here. I was with Finn. I could do this.

Before I could second-guess myself, I gripped my nose with one hand and ducked beneath the surface of the water.

Oh hell fucking no.

The water was everywhere, and even though I was in a pool and not the sea, I swore I could taste cold brine, forcing its way into my mouth, into my eyes. I flailed with both hands, and the water rushed into my nose, choking me, and I couldn't breathe.

Strong hands gripped my arms and held me up and my head broke the surface of the water, but I still couldn't breathe, I was still choking, and I couldn't tell if I was crying or not. My face was wet, my eyes stung, and my breath came in rapid bursts.

"It's okay, you're okay, everything's okay," Finn soothed.

There was water in my throat; I coughed and spluttered.

Finn rubbed my back, but my skin felt raw and sensitive, and I pushed him away.

"Fuck," I gasped as soon as I could speak. "Fuck."

"You did it," Finn said, and he sounded genuinely proud of me.

Somehow that made me feel worse.

"How the hell did I do it? I just panicked," I said.

"After putting your head under, not before," Finn pointed out.

I scrubbed my palms across my face. "It was still fucking awful."

"It will be easier next time –"

"Next time? There's not going to be a fucking next time. I'm done with this," I snapped.

"Tasha," Finn tried.

"Don't." I turned my back on him because I half-thought I was going to cry and I didn't want him to see that.

Water rippled behind me as Finn stepped closer, and when he put a hand on my shoulder I flinched away. I didn't know if I was mad at him for pushing me to go past my limits, or mad at myself for not being able to do it.