State of Grace

Chapter 8: But I'm Still Loving You

SAGE

​This is so exasperating!

Halos isang oras na akong nakapila sa sakayan ng UV Express. Pabalik na ako sa boarding house. Yun nga lang ay coding ang kotse ko ngayon so I had to commute to and from where I do my internship.

It didn't help na may bitbit pa ako na malaking regalo at umulan pa habang nasa pila ako. Buti na lang at medyo malaki itong payong ko at nakasilid sa malaking plastic bag itong bitbit ko. I needed to secure the gift para hindi mabasa. Hindi na bale kung mabasa ang bag ko dahil wala naman akong dalang important notes.

Today is Sky's birthday, so I prepared a special breakfast for him this morning. I wanted to serve it to him personally but I had to leave early for my internship and had errands to run, including this gift I'm carrying. Sinabi sa akin ni Sandara na kinain ni Sky ang hinanda kong pagkain. Syempre, natuwa ako. Sana nagustuhan niya.

Then I remember how I reacted horribly last night when I caught my cousins hauling an intoxicated and unconscious Sebastian Kairos. I was worried sick about him.

"Anong ginawa niyo sa kanya?" Singhal ko. "Bakit nawalan ng malay yan?"

Then I turned to Sky and shook his arm in an attempt to wake him up. "Huy, Sky! Gumising ka diyan! Gising!"

He just answered me with a grunt. "Hmm..." His eyes remained closed, tilting his head from one side to the other. He was reeking of alcohol. Wala na nga siya sa huwisyo.

"Bakit lasing na lasing 'to?" I scowled at Yco. "Alam niyo namang madaling magka-amats yan eh!"

"Sorry na, Sage!" Sagot nitong pinsan ko. "Nag-birthday salubong kasi kami para sa kanya. Ayun, naparami siya ng inom."

"Then you should have controlled it!" I fired back. "And how come you guys didn't tell me about your little party earlier?"

"It wasn't planned at all," Sabi naman ni Owen. "Naglabas lang kami ng food at drinks na meron dito. Hindi naman siya tumanggi nung binigyan namin siya ng alak."

"That's the problem," I shook my head. "Hindi talaga yan tumatanggi. Kaya dapat talaga hindi niyo binigyan ng marami."

I heaved a frustrated sigh. Wala naman na akong magagawa. Bagsak na si Sky eh. Since it was midnight and curfew was already in place, I let the boys go back to their dorms.

This is why I made a mental note to make coffee for him first thing in the morning, to help him cure his hangover.

Minsan tinatanong ko sa sarili ko kung bakit ko pa pinagtya-tiyagaan ang katulad ni Sebastian Kairos na wala namang pakialam. Yes, we live in the same boarding house, but we're not that close. Naging classmates kami dati sa isang subject, pero hindi rin sapat yun. For almost two years since our paths crossed, I knew I'd done a lot for him. Hindi ko na nga mabibilang sa kamay ko.

Aside from preparing him coffee every morning, ​​cooking meals for him, and giving him gifts occasionally, I did get to help him sa mga papers niya. Sa dami na ng favors na ginawa ko sa kanya, alam na tuloy ng lahat sa Turf na gusto ko si Sky. Hindi ko naman tinatago yun, pero sa tagal ko nang ginagawa ito, napapaisip na lang ako if he's still worthy of my efforts dahil hindi niya talaga pinapakita ang appreciation niya sa akin. That's why no matter how willing I am, nakakaramdam din ako ng frustration.

Tao lang ako at napapagod din, kaya hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ko siya pagpapasensyahan. While Amy is more understanding of me, naiinis naman sa akin si Sandara dahil sige pa rin daw ako. Nagpapaka-martyr na daw ako at nagiging unrequited lang ang feelings ko kay Sky na daig pa daw ang may pusong bato. May punto si Dara at hindi rin naman ako papayag na ganito na lang ako forever.​​