𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍 | 𝟏𝟖+

𝐃 𝐄 𝐕 𝐀 𝐍 𝐀

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For years, the manic desire for freedom has consumed me. Yet, here I am, drawn to the shackles, dominance, and restriction of a devil named Lucius, a minimalist beauty painted with chaos 

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"Agent Hristova, the Director would like to see you in the board room at 4 pm"

"Okay, you may leave" She saluted and left.

A wave of exhaustion washed over me, and I sank into the chair, my head swimming with a chaotic jumble of thoughts. Emptiness gnawed at me, a hollowness that mirrored the dizzying patterns I traced on the ceiling with my eyes. A slow, insistent ache began to bloom behind my temples, spreading like a creeping vine across my skull. My vision blurred, and I fought to stay conscious, gripping the chair's arms for support. My weakness, a constant companion, felt like a heavy cloak draped over me. With my weak health, I was the marionette, always tethered to Mama's will, her unseen hand guiding my every move. I have never been the strongest in my family.  

"Devy wanna go sledding! It's gonna be so much fun! Come, come!"

My big doe eyes widened and so did my mouth with an exclamation of "Really!?"

"Yeah! Baba got me a new sled and I decided to try it out with you. You have to come to check it out. I can push you if you want!"

I jumped up and down at that. Baba never got me a sled or a toy. He said an heiress doesn't need distractions. He also said that instead of playing with toys, I should play with guns and weapons. Well, I do like guns and trips to the shooting field, but I also would like to play with dolls like other girls do, with sleds and action figures like Fyodor does. I want to play dress up like Anastasia does with her friends. Speaking of Anastasia, I have always been jealous of her.

The attention she gets from my parents and everyone—except Fyo, who hates her—, the nice dresses she wears (to her tea parties, play dates, and stuff). Everything. I wish I were in her shoes. I wish I could wear the nice pieces of jewelry that girls my age wear. I wish I could live freely without rules, restrictions, or Mama. But I could only just wish, huh...

"Of course Fyo! I would love to!"

"Great! Come on then!"

I hurriedly followed along, excited at the thought of finally riding a sled. How awesome will it be? Hmm...I bet it's gonna be super, duper awesome! I giggled at the thought then stopped immediately as if on command. Fyo, who was jogging beside me while I was happily skipping along a few minutes ago stopped too, looking quizzically at me. He tilted his head in question as I looked into his eyes. "I can't Fyo...I'm not allowed to..."

"Huh? But why? I can, so why can't you" Because we are from different worlds. Different parents.

"Mama...She won't-"

"Huh, Why won't she? She won't..." Urging me on while I painfully gathered the zeal to continue. Those icy eyes stared back at my hazel ones, pleading for me not to go. But I had to. To escape her punishments, I had to.

"She won't allow me to go sledding with you, Fyodor. I'm so sorry" I said as I sniffed in the snort threatening to come out of my nose while repeating my words and shaking my head. I can't. I don't want to be locked up again without food. The cage is so dirty and scary, and I wouldn't want to be there! I can't be there!

With tears flowing continuously down my now puffed red eyes, I turned away from Fyodor and ran hearing calls of my name but didn't want to look back in the fear of having second thoughts.

I ran and ran not noticing the tall figure ahead of me, bumping straight into it. I almost fell to the floor if it wasn't for the firm grip the figure had on me. I looked up to express my gratitude to the person while wiping away the tears only to see...

"Miss Hristova? Your presence is needed urgently at the board room"

Is it 4pm already?

A sharp nod sent her away, leaving me alone with the unwelcome intrusion of another memory. This was the third time today. It was like a broken record, replaying scenes from a past I desperately wanted to forget. Each intrusion was a fresh wound, a painful reminder of a childhood stolen from me.

A tear welled in my eye, burning like a hot ember. I squeezed my lids shut, desperately trying to hold it back. Blinking rapidly, I fought to regain control. With a shuddering breath, I stood up and walked toward the door, determined to escape the torment of these unwanted memories.

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My gaze darted across the sea of faces, a restless search for a single pair of eyes. Amidst the dull browns and blues, I sought the piercing pale blue, a cold intensity veiled by a hint of innocence. They were my haven, my solace in the storm. Like a polar bear seeking the steadying chill of an iceberg, I craved their presence, their icy comfort that others might find unsettling.

The familiar scent of Fyodor, icy and herbal, washed over me, a wave of reassurance. I couldn't explain the strange blend, but on him, it was divine – a paradox of freshly brewed mint and frozen icicles. As my eyes met his, the cold gaze melted into a pool of concern, a silent promise of solace. After every nightmare, after every turmoil, Fyodor was my anchor, my haven.

"How are you moya lan' ?" 

His presence beside me, his hands resting on my thighs, sent a wave of nervous energy through me. I couldn't help but feel a flutter of excitement and a sense of being...on edge.

"A bit disturbed and exhausted. Had another episodic memory" I said in Russian "I'm scared Fyo..."

He clenched his jaw as his grip on my thighs intensified. To my surprise, a surge of heat coursed through me. I swiftly grasped his hands and uttered with forced conviction, "It's okay. I'm fine, kay?"

He gazed at me with a piercing stare, aware of my attempts to deflect attention by assuring him that all was well. However, the truth was far from it, and we both knew it. Desperation washed over me as I closed my eyes, bracing myself for another excruciating memory to be etched into my mind. Such is the life of one burdened with hyperthymesia.

The meeting room filled with officers, each arrival pushing me further from Fyo. His obliviousness to the whispers and stares that our proximity might ignite was both endearing and frustrating. I will not be able to keep up with the questions our relationship may bring.

The Chief of Police barged in, his face a mask of fury. We rose as one, offering respectful greetings, but he waved us down with a dismissive hand. My gaze darted to Fyo, seeking a reaction, but he remained his usual impassive self, staring blankly at the Chief's outburst. The other officers, however, were a mix of annoyance, curiosity, and mirrored blankness.

"You may all be seated," the Chief barked, his gaze sweeping over the room. We all sat, his troubled, menacing expression hanging heavy in the air.

"The agenda for this evening is lengthy, possibly lasting an hour or two. This means you will all be leaving late. If anyone has a problem with that, they can get the fuck out and never return."

I waited for someone to rise, to challenge his ultimatum, but the only movement came from Fyo who nonchalantly crossed his legs. Everyone else, frozen in their seats, mirrored my own stillness. The tension was palpable, leaving me wondering what could possibly warrant such a volatile start to the meeting.

"We shall now begin," the Chief declared, his voice a low growl.

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Author's Note

If you were ever stalked by a celebrity who would that be darlin'?

Please vote and comment dumpling ♥︎

~ Dark Euphorism