Jae's world ☆

programming errors

Sometimes the program does not work correctly. Sometimes Jae no longer has control over what's going on in his head. Jae's world is a place where he takes refuge in times of deep crisis. He needs it, he needs a fixed program that he can antissipate first. His friends must respond the same way every night at the same time. Jae feels very uncomfortable when something planned is disrupted even in real life. Recently Finn had left his world. It was time to bake a cake and Jae was sad that day. It was going to be 9 p.m. so Jae was waiting for Finn, but he never came. Jae felt dead, why nothing works ? He hid under his duvet, it was dark outside. Jae felt very, very bad, he wanted to hurt himself. He couldn't go outside to get help, it was dark. Jae lay down heavily in bed and cried, why won't Finn come ? Jae remembers it as a wound, because whenever something doesn't work in his world, it's horrible. It's like Jae is unstable. That night, Jae became very detached from Finn. He no longer felt this desire to feel him against him or else. Jae suddenly felt very neutral about Finn, he let him down. Jae has decided to no longer care about Finn in a romantic way.

When Finn's cabin burned down, little butterflies flew around. And Jae felt horribly overwhelmed. He knew what it meant. Sometimes Jae goes near Emilie's cabin and cries really hard. He throws stones at her cabin and yells very bad things. He sits by Finn's broken cabin and lies down, watching the butterflies fly. Jae felt bad, but he had to look at those butterflies to understand why they were there. Jae cried, Jae cries a lot. Jae will redo his program and recreate Finn so that he is closer to reality. It was beyond surreal to imagine Finn hugging him and laughing with him while playing dinos. He loved spending time with Finn in his head, but coming back to reality hurt him.

Programming errors are rare, they are difficult to manage. Often, Jae hides under his blanket waiting for it to calm down. This solution works ! Even though Finn is gone, Jae still leaves a place for Finn in his heart. Some of Finn's songs spin into Jae's world. Jae finds Finn very interesting !! Jae feels curious and laughs for nothing when he thinks of Finn. Sometimes he's all red and he kicks his feet in bed. Jae feels something friendly for Finn that makes his stomach twist. Anyways, his world doesn't revolve around Finn. If Jae talks about it a lot, it's because Finn recently took up too much space. Jae canceled everyone else's schedule to stay with Finn.

He's going to have to repair the star of his world, because it's broken again. OH ! Jae thinks Jae should write a chapter on how the star works. The last time the star was broken was when Emilie had abandoned him for several months. Jae had cried with Arin in the big bed. Damn, Jae has just realized that he has known Émilie for more than 2 years and that it has been 10 months since his world was shattered. The program error "Ely" had destroyed all. He couldn't even enter his world anymore, he felt completely foreign to himself.

Whenever there is a small mistake, Jae feels terrible. So when everything was destroyed, Jae lost himself. All his haunts, his habits, his comforts, everything had disappeared. There were only clouds of butterflies. They were making a lot of noise, and Jae started hurting himself violently again. He just cuts his fingers at first, then he ended up burning his thighs and cutting his skin.

Jae hurts himself but finds comfort in his actions. Scarifying himself is part of his routine and Jae has to stop. He knows it's wrong, but he does it again and again. He puts all his strength into his cutter and pushes the blade inside his wound. It hurts, but Jae does it again. It's noisy in his head and to stop all this noise, Jae cuts his arms to be quiet.