how long will it last?

diary Xll - XV

☆290923

I couldn't stop thinking of you... whenever I sat alone.. I remember you.. I couldn't even focus here at mrsm joba... why shaf.. knp kau buat aku mcm ni... it's hurts so fucking much... I hate you... shaf kenapa kau jahat... kau jahat Kat aku je... shaf... you're cruel to me .. so cruel.. why do I even like someone gay... because I guarantee that you won't do anything at me.. I don't even have to be scared about you sexualizing women since you don't even have lust for women.. you won't hurt me like eru boys did to me... I love you shaf... to much... Kat sini faci tu panggil org bersongkok.. I couldn't see his face because rabun ofc.. but I see your face instead... shaf what ever have you done to me...

☆051023

day-1
cry over you silently.. when will I learned to let you go?.. why am I so stupid about love...

☆061023

day-2
I wrote this with tears

I'm so sorry that I loved you for so long. I'm so sorry I kept trying to hold onto you when it was obvious that you didn't want me anymore in your life. all you wanted was to be set free and I think I finally learned to let you go. not because I want to.. even my heart ache everytime I saw you.. I let you go because I love you.. I don't want to hurt you with my feelings and because all I wanted was to make you happy in every way. i still remembered how my heart begged u to stay and u told me to move on and let you go while i was willing to do and risk everything i have just for you. I'm sorry my love.
- mine all mine, mitski

☆081023

shaf.. teach me how to love someone else the way I loved you...please.. I'm lost.. I'm hoping you could lend me your shoulder again...

- I think I lost again