My Winchester

Don't Wake the Beast

"Hey, man. What're you doing up so early?" Sam says, wiping his hair out of his eyes. "Food," Dean replies, moving the eggs around in the pan.

Sam takes a seat at the table. He brings over a plate of bacon and eggs when it's done. "Should I wake Carmen?" He asks his brother.

"Oh, no," Dean mutters quickly. He raises an eyebrow at him. "I mean, I think I'll just take her something. Don't wanna anger the beast," He replies, trying to cover himself.

"Suree," Sammy says, a grin lighting up his face.

"Shut up, Sammy," Dean mutters, grabbing a plate of food and a Mello Yello and heading towards Carmen's room.

***

I woke up to Dean gently shaking my shoulder. "Come on, Golds, I made breakfast."

For a split second, I forget my misery and just relish in Dean's husky voice. With a deep sigh, I sit up and watch him place a plate of eggs and bacon on my lap. Dean sits with me, watching me eat.

"Did you eat?" I ask him. He shakes his head and shrugs. I take another bite of eggs before pushing the plate towards him.

"Nah, Golds. You need to eat," he says, but eyes the food anyways. A small smile falls upon my lips. "It's fine, Dean. I don't eat much anyways," I reply.

He sighs deeply before taking the plate.

"I'm so sorry," Dean says when the plate is clean. "For what?" I ask, being drawn out from my thoughts.

"Everything," he mumbles.

I sigh. "Dean... I shouldn't have said what I did. I didn't mean any of it," I try to lie. Dean raises an eyebrow, seeing right through me.

"Okay, so maybe... But I know you didn't do it on purpose. I shouldn't blame you.." I trail off, my own thoughts coming to haunt me again. Last night was the first night I had a dreamless sleep. I usually dreamed every night, usually about Dean murdering one of her family members right in front of her.

"Carmen. Hey, Golds," Dean says, snapping his fingers in front of my face. "Oh, sorry," I mutter.

"I was just saying that you can't help it. And it's not like I was actually innocent," he says with a sigh. "I just wish I could fix it somehow."

I watch him take both of my hands in his. I sigh deeply, remembering the idea I had while falling asleep last night.

"Dean, I know how you can help," I mutter, knowing what I have to do.

He raises his head, waiting for me to continue.

"I know that Crowley is the king of hell. I mean, how do you kill the king of hell?" I start. "So I want to kill whoever the hell it was that gave Crowley the wrong information."

Dean nods, a slight smile coming to his face. "We can do that. I'll go make a plan with Sam right now," he says, standing to head for the door.

"Wait, Dean," I say.

"Yeah?" He says, sitting back down.

"After we kill him, I want Cas to erase my memory."

***

"What?" Dean asked, the single word almost felt painful tumbling out of his mouth. He thought Carmen was crazy. Dean finally thought that maybe he was beginning to break down her wall of blame, even with the large fight they had the night before. He felt the fight was good; he could help her with her pain and maybe one day she would forgive him.

Carmen, on the other hand, only wanted out. She knew there would be no point in attempting suicide; the boys would stop her and it wasn't the best decision anyways. Instead, she simply wanted to forget. Forget the pain and misery and just wake up as some girl who banged her head and forgot who she was.

"Dean, it hurts too much," she whispered as a tear leaked down her cheek.

"But, Golds," Dean mutters, not being able to accept the thought.

"It's what I want. I want my old life back," she tells him.

"Carmen.." Dean says quietly, his own eyes tearing up a bit. "If you forget, then you'll leave."

Carmen nods, watching every move Dean makes. He can't stand to sit there any longer. He thought he was finally getting through to her.

Dean stands and exits the room, running a hand over his face. Carmen takes out her sketchbook and adds to a glorious drawing of Dean Winchester himself.

Sam was sitting in the library, doing research no doubt, when Dean came shuffling through. "Man? You alright?" He said, worried about his brothers state. Dean didn't reply, but continued to walk up the stairs and outside. He walked around the space outside of the bunker, remembering the day he took Carmen shooting. After a few moments of walking around, he prayed to Cas.

"Castiel, man. Get your ass down here. Please," Dean's voice breaks off at the end. He wipes away the few tears that escaped his eyes before Castiel appears in front of him.

"Dean? Where's Sam, what happened?" Cas instantly asks when he notices Dean's state.

"No, Cas, he's fine. It's Carmen."

"Is she hurt?" Cas asks, confused as to how he could help.

"No, she's fine. But I need you to promise me something," Dean says, having made up his mind. Cas nods. "What is it you need, Dean?" Cas says after a moment of silence.

"Carmen wants you to erase her memory. And god dammit Cas if I've ever done anything for you, pay me back right now. No matter how much she begs, do not take her from me," Dean states, his deep voice coming back to say he means business.

Cas paces for a second. "I'm afraid I do not understand, Dean. You don't want her to have a normal life?"

Dean's heart seizes. "I just, can't let her go, man. Please," he asks, his voice breaking again. Eventually, Cas agrees to Dean's terms and follows Dean inside to greet Sam.

Later, after a few beers and Cas returning to heaven, Sam confronts his brother. "What was with you earlier, dude?"

Dean shakes his head, taking another sip of his beer. "Don't worry about it, Sammy. Just, lemme ask you something."

"Yeah, Dean?" Sam says, confused.

"How long have we known Carmen?" Dean asks.

"Uh, I don't know, man. Like, five months?" Sam replies. "Why?"

"How long does it take to fall in love with someone?