Maddest obsession || book 1

•Chapter 35•

⚠︎ tw: trauma & self harm

As soon as Amara reached her apartment, she couldn't hold the emotions anymore. She threw her bag over the couch and slid down on the floor. Tears streamed down her face as she started to sob uncontrollably.

The weight of her secrets, the strained relationship with her mother, and the complicated emotions with Nate had become an unbearable burden. She curled up on the floor, seeking solace in the silence of her apartment.

She couldn't help but think about the life-altering decisions she had made in the past weeks. The abortion, the confession to Nate, and now the awkward dinner with her mother—everything seemed to be crashing down on her at once.

As Amara sat on the floor, her mind raced with thoughts of her father, the one person who had truly loved her. The absence of his warmth and guidance in her life amplified her feelings of loneliness and vulnerability.

She couldn't hold in her emotions, her anger, her trust issues, her sadness any longer. So she did what she had promised herself she would never do. From her bag she retrieved a new blade from her bag and lighter.

Why did she go to buy new blade for herself? Why she had it in her bag? Why she thought she may need it any moment now? 

She didn't have answers for all this but felt grateful that these were here at the moment, in her bag. So she slipped out of the dress she wore and spread apart her legs. The marks she gave herself before were fading.

For a moment she thought she can't hurt herself again. Bur still she did what she had planned. Tears streamed down her face as blade cut through her skin, drawing out blood. For a moment physical pain overwhelmed her.

She no longer thought of the pain in her heart but it came harder than before in no time. She cut herself again, giving her more pain. And then burned the cut with lighter. No matter how much pain she inflicted on her body she can't forget how her heart bleed.

Everything she had kept to herself came back. Her childhood, living with whatever man her mother thought was good lay. Losing her father. Having an emotionally unavailable mom. Starting career at eighteen.

Facing backlash from audience. Named Naked Amara Sullivan, just because of hatred. Her boyfriends which were carefully picked by her agency. And then Dante, how he touched her. No matter how much she hated his tough, he did.

And lastly Nate, his feelings and her own guilt. She felt like a murderer for killing her child.

The weight of her memories pressed against her, and she couldn't escape the flood of emotions that surged within her. The room seemed to echo with the silence of her struggles, a stark contrast to the public persona she had crafted over the years.

Amidst the tears, Amara reached for her phone. She needed someone to talk to, someone who could offer comfort or at least a listening ear. She dialed Nate's number, half expecting him not to answer, but desperate for a connection.

Nate, still grappling with his own emotions after the revelation, hesitated before answering the call. "Hello?"

Amara's voice, shaky and filled with emotion, came through the phone. "Nate, I... I can't do this alone. Can you come over?"

Nate, sensing the urgency in her voice, didn't think twice. "Of course, Amara. I'll be there in a minute."

Nate rushed to Amara's apartment, his mind racing with concern. As he arrived, he found the door slightly ajar and pushed it open, entering the dimly lit space filled with the echoes of Amara's sobs.

He saw her huddled on the floor, vulnerable and overwhelmed. The sight of the blade and lighter sent a shiver down his spine, realization hitting him hard. Without hesitation, he crossed the room and gently took the items from her hands.