(Rodamrix) Randoms

◇Red {suicidal}◇

Saying that Red felt guilty would be an understatement. He felt useless, like he didn't fulfil his part well enough. He saw his entire team dead in skeld and he ran away from the problem like a coward.

Red sighed as he finished eating his breakfast that consisted of cereal, he had pulled an all nighter yesterday. The thoughts gnawing through his blanket. The Polus gang were kind enough to let Blue, Yellow, White and him stay until everything was settled.

Brown stood up from where she was sitting as she stretched before walking out of the room to probably grab the tasks or whatever captains did.

Red sighed as he watched his friends having normal conversations with the rest of them like nothing had ever happened. Red wished he could leave this trauma behind and learn from his mistakes but it all was too much to digest at the same time, too much guilt on his shoulders. He hadn't wanted to worry his friends anymore than they already were. They had faced the same traumas so what made his trauma feel so invalided? Like it didn't matter at all. And the cherry on top is that now he was an impostor, something he wish he could take back.

White must have noticed Red's gloomy demeanor as she placed a hand on Red's shoulder a worried look on her face.

"You okay?" White asked with a small crooked smile, analyzing his face wanting to know what Red was thinking about.

Red just glances at her before looking back at the table slightly nodding his head. He didn't want to be a bother anyway, better to keep the shitty emotions inside and not cause more issues.

White slightly sighed as she rubbed his shoulder for comfort, hoping that it would somehow help ease whatever he was thinking about.

"Blue and I are here for you so if anything is bothering you tell us." White reassures as her smile widened and she closed her eyes just for a moment.

Red nodded once again, his ears perked up as he heard footsteps approaching te room, the crewmates all saw the captain walk in with sheets of paper in hand.

Brown handed everyone their tasks.

White knowing that Red probably wanted space walked back to her spot and sat back down. Brown was handing tasks ine by one, as she passed by Red she placed his paper on the table before continuing.
Red grabbed his sheet of paper and skim read his tasks. Nothing he couldn’t handle, well that was until he noticed there was an extra paper. He flipped it and noticed that he had to do Blues tasks too. What... why? He knew that Blue was still recovering! But...

When everyone in the cafeteria started getting up to start the 'morning'. Red stayed behind as he wanted to talk to Brown one on one. Once everyone was clear he walked up to Brown who was arranging some papers in her hand.

"Hey, uhm. Why did I get Blues tasks too?" Red asked as he furrowed his eyebrows. Brown looked past her shoulder and a small smile formed onto her lips.

"Well as Blue is still recovering, you'll need to help with the tasks that Blue would have done if he was healthy." Brown simply explained. A little back and forth between the two and Red walked out of the cafeteria feeling defeated. Red just rolled his eyes as he remembered that last time he spoke to Blue he felt his intrusive thoughts get a bit dangerous. Red still felt guilty about thinking such things to his friend that needed his help right now.

Worst of all he didn't even do the tasks, he just piled it up to Olive who probably didn't even do it now that he thought of it.

Yellow's death was a lot to take in. Maybe if he had told the truth Glitchy would've still had his father around, the poor kid is still trying to get used to not having his father around.

Another thing that came tumbling down that kept a great weight on his shoulder. Maybe if he just disappeared things would be better.

It was another typical morning on Polus. He clutched the paper that Brown had given him once more with Blues task too. He was sleep deprived, angry and just wanted to disappear. He got up from the table and stormed out of cafeteria which made the others stare in confusion. Maybe if he did his task than all of this guilt would stop consuming him whole.

But doing the tasks didnt help occupy his mind. After the tasks Red walked to the pit of lava where Yellow was ejected, the brightness swallowing all shadows that were nearby. Maybe if he jumped things would be better for everyone....

Red sat down on the edge of the cliff as his intrusive thoughts told him to jump.

As Red was about to take a leap of faith something or... Someone grabbed him before he could do anything. It was White. She looked absolutely terrified, she dragged Red about a feet away from the pit as she just looked at him unable to utter a word.

"What were you thinking, Red?!" White asked in disbelief as tears had started to build up, it felt like someone was squeezing her throat.

She knew that Red felt guilty with everything that had happened but she would've never though her friend would try suicide!

"You know how scared I was when I saw you try and jump off this cliff?!" White asked once more as she shook Red's shoulders aggressively.

And for once Red looked up at White, tired eyes meeting glossy ones.

"I-." But before Red could say anything White gave Red a big bear hug. She sat on her knees as she embraced him tightly afraid if she let go tgat Red would try something dumb again.

"Please never think or try to hurt yourself." White pleaded as she buried her face against his shoulder.

Red felt the tears starting to form as he placed his hands on White's back as the tears ran down his cheeks too.

"I'm... sorry." Red mumbled as the guilt started to gnaw inside him, he didn't want to worry White and now look at the mess he'd created.

"Shhhh." White said, as she tightened her grip. White wrapped her hands around Red's back too Red rested his chin on Whites head as he closed his eyes.

"Anything that happens from now we'll face it togheter understood?" White firmly told Red who was still a bit shakened.

"I promise." Red answered with a deep sigh. Maybe... just maybe he didn't have to carry all this weight on his own.

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{HELLLOOOOOO this is a bit short but I had no idea what else to write as I am bad at writing. Anyway BAYYYYYYYY.}

(This is me rewriting this because I have no wifi and nothing better to do.)
(29 August-2025)