the cliff

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i want to hate you but i can't.
my mind won't let me focus only on the bad.
when i try to hate you,
my mind and my heart sync in unison
with the sound of your laugh
and slideshows of your smile.

i want it to go away, i don't want to see
the happy times i had with you.
i need to see only the bad times
so i can leave you in my past
and forget everything i once loved
about you.

i wish i could take the memories
from my mind and put them in a box.
one i can open when i've already moved on.
for when he realizes he messed up
and wants to come back, i can revisit those
memories so i never let him back in.

i want you to be in pain but i cant
bring myself to wish that upon you.
i want you to hurt the way you've hurt me,
ruthlessly without hesitation.
after a year and three months,
you beat me to a pulp with your words
and the way you spit them like fire.
i use to think you cared about me,
but lately i wonder if you ever did.

if you did, you wouldn't push me off
a cliff and watch me fall.
you would have talked to me with kindness,
with love and respect.
all i got was a push and a shove,
and a smirk as you watched me
plummet from above.

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