christmas day

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it's christmas day and nothing feels right.
there's no snow or cold air,
it's sunny and fifty seven degrees
here in the lonely state of ohio.

last year didn't feel much like christmas
either but when you have the person you
love by your side, there is some kind of
magic in the air that makes everything feel
a little bit closer to that christmas feeling.

last christmas, i had him by my side and everything felt like it belonged. we were snuggled up in bed being silly and just crazy in love with each other.
i would do anything
to go back and relive that day, if we could
start over from there so much would be
different today. we wouldn't be apart, we would be talking, we would still be in love.

it kills me to not have him here, we should be talking and i know that i am very much
still in love with him.

i have his christmas gifts in a box in my
room, covered by other boxes because i
can't look at them without crying and
feeling completely shattered.

i never knew i could ever miss someone
so much. the pain is overwhelming and
it only dulls when i'm fully distracted by
things but even that i still want to run and
tell you about my day. then everything hurts because i can't tell you anything anymore,
unless i want to be ignored or told that you
don't want to hear from me or speak to me.

today, christmas day, is one of those days
where i wish i could run to you.

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