Divine Struggles | Taekook

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The rest of that week was filled with so many tears, so much heartbreak, but also so much love. Jungkook and Taehyung really relied on each other through this time. They told all of their friends and family the day after they found out. They all gave their condolences and some even brought them flowers and gave them hugs. Jungkook feels empty inside. Totally and utterly empty. He had a baby inside of him. The baby that he and Tae have both wanted for so long, but were waiting for the right time to have.

And now she's gone.

Miraculously, the doctors were able to figure out that their baby was going to be a little girl. Jungkook has always wanted a girl.

Jungkook feels like the life has been sucked out of  him. The happy swell of his heard was just ripped away without his ability to control it. He feels like he let Tae down since he wanted the baby too. He hasn't spoken much, except for when he talks to Tae and Yoongi. But even then he only gives very short responses. He truly feels not okay.

"Are you ready to go, my love?" Tae asks softly. He has a hand extended out and a worrisome look on his face. "Yeah," is all Tae gets in response. Jungkook takes his hand and lets him lead him out of the house and into the car. Tae is taking him back to the doctors for a check up. It has been a month since Jungkook had the miscarriage and his visit today is to see how he is recovering. Tae holds his hand tight, rubbing his thumb along the back of his hand the whole time they are in the car.

"Minyi," Jungkook whispers. "What did you say darling?" Tae asks gently. It's always rough on days where Jungkook has to see the doctor. And there have been lots of appointments recently so Tae doesn't want to be harsh or stern at him. "Minyi," Jungkook says a little louder. He looks at Tae with a sad smile. "That's the name I picked for a girl. Kim Minyi." Tae looks back at him with heartbroken eyes. He squeezes Jungkook's hand and lifts his knuckles to his lips to kiss them. "It's beautiful, baby," He whispers. Jungkook just hums and turns to look back out the window. He knows Jungkook isn't feeling well so he doesn't think much of it. He knows this appointment will tell Jungkook if he and Tae can try again.

Try again for their baby.

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They walk hand in hand through the hallways of the bright hospital. A door with their doctor's name on it stands at the end of the hallway. Tae leads Jungkook to the door and stops before he opens it. He raises his hand to caress Jungkook's cheek and presses a kiss to his lips. "I hope you know how proud I am of you sweet boy. You have gone through hell and back and now that might all finally come to an end. Let's go see if we can have our baby, yeah?" Tae whispers. Jungkook nods and takes a deep breath, kissing Tae one last time before they walk through that door.

Jungkook wants to try again so badly. He wants a second chance at carrying his baby, protecting them. But he is absolutely mortified. He is so scared that he will miscarry again. But is the risk worth the reward? He thinks so. He wants to give Tae the chance to be a dad. The best one. He also wants to live out his own dream of being a dad. He wants to have a baby with the love of his life and if there are risks he will push through them. Now he will know what those risks are and can find help when he needs it.

Tae grabs his hand again and pushes the door open. Jungkook's doctor is sitting at his counter typing some notes on his computer when he looks up to see the Kim couple standing there. "Ah, welcome you two! I was just finishing up some things to discuss with you," the doctor says, shaking both of their hands. Jungkook sits on the patient chair and Tae stands at his side, fingers still interlocked with Jungkook's.

"So Mr. Kim, I have a few things I would like to go over with you and your husband before we get to the main concern of the appointment, Is that alright with you?" Jungkook gives him a nod and a small smile. "Alright then.  I would like to mention that it has now been a month since your miscarriage. We were wondering if you have a name you would like to give to the little one. This often gives the parents a piece of mind that they got to name their baby, even if the baby didn't make it. I don't understand the science behind it, but I love to help my patients as much as I can. So, do you have a name for her?" The doctor asks gently.

Jungkook looks up at Tae and receives a nod and a sad smile again. "Minyi. Kim Minyi." Jungkook says quietly. The doctor gives him a nod and writes the name down on a sheet of paper, then hands it to Jungkook. "This is her birth certificate. She was too small to get any hand or foot prints for you but we had to give this to you. You deserve to have a piece of her even if it's just paper," the doctor says. Jungkook thanks the doctor with a genuine smile on his face. Tae hasn't seen that smile in way too long.

"Now to why we are here. Mr. Kim, last visit we did a thorough exam to see how your body has healed since the loss. Well I am thrilled to tell you that your body has almost healed completely which means one thing. You and your husband are cleared to start trying again." Jungkook breathes a sigh of relief. Don't get him wrong, he is absolutely terrified of the risks but he is willing to fight them if it means he will bring their baby into the world.

Tae leans over to pull Jungkook into a tight hug. "This is amazing, baby. You did so well, I'm so proud of you Jungkookie," Tae whispers in his ear. Jungkook leans up and gives him a sweet kiss and nuzzles his face into his chest. "It may take a few tries but your stomach has healed incredibly well so it looks like your chances of getting pregnant again at some point are very high. I'm very happy for you both," The doctor says. He shakes their hands and exits the room.

Tae pulls the doctor's chair over and puts it in front of Jungkook. He grabs his hand and presses a small, loving kiss to each hand. "I know you're probably scared, my love. I'm scared too. We are in no rush to start trying again okay? I want you to be in the right mindset and I want you to be healthy. That's my first priority, your health. But at least we have the clearance to go again. I promised you that I would give you a baby. I will live up to that. We will be parents okay?" Tae assures him. Jungkookjust leans in and gives him a slow, passionate kiss. "I love you Taehyung. Thank you for everything you have done for me," Jungkook says softly. Tae pulls him into a delicate hug, peppering kisses on his shoulder. "I love you too baby."