Taming the demon

chapter 14

Taehyung's POV:

I know I'm hurting her

But what choice do I have? I don't want anyone hurting her because of me. She's been hurt all her life. Imagine a day without her seems impossible for me now. If to protect her I would be hurt still I'm still okay with it. I don't know when and why she became someone for whom I wanna kill or die. Maybe because her pain seems akin to mine.
             
                She knows what it's like to be betrayed and alone. She understands me like I understand her. Maybe this is the way of love. Wait! love I love her? When? I hate this feeling so how? Is that how my mother felt when she met that man who's my father? I remembered my mother's words when I asked her once what's love.

'when you feel like you can give up everything for that person. Like you can sacrifice yourself to protect them. Like you care too deeply for them and living a life without them seems impossible. It's love dear'.

Does it mean I fall for her? No, I don't wanna love her. Love has betrayal and agony and I never wanna put her in agony. The moon that shines brighter every day seemed dull today. Moon! She loves it. It is a witness of our Union. She says it's been her confidante ever since her life came crashing down. I gazed at it for a long few minutes. It looked calm. Easeful. And earful'. Just like how she described. Can I also share my worries with it? Will it listen or won't as I hurt his friend?

I sighed in regression to let myself closer to her. I should've cast her away. Somewhere far, far from me. I clutched my fist almost tight as I could feel my nails digging into my flesh. The thought of her away from me opens a hole inside and I feel my heart sinking in it deeper every time. I stared at the moon again.

I'm sorry; for hurting your friend. I know you won't forgive me for that. But I must clarify my reasons. Have you ever felt happiness and terror at the same time? I did. Not once but twice in my life. First, when I saw my father after a long time and then him stabbing my mother. Second, when I was with her and then I saw someone peeking at us but before I could reach him he fled. He fled from my grip and I couldn't do anything. They found out about her. She's alive and fine.

Now they'll come for her, will try to harm her to tame me and honestly, I know I would do anything for her. I would be tamed. For her! I can't afford to lose her. Not now; not ever. I can't lose my focus and have to keep out. I don't know what is this. What do I feel for her? But she's an inseparable part of me. I can burn the whole world for her even if it's wrong. I promise!

Tears brimmed in my eyes. Now I know the hurt my mother felt. When she lost her life at the hands of her love. I flew back down in front of the cottage. It was silent and I could hear her breaths slow and steady. Must have slept after crying too much. I've heard her sobs when she was crying. And it clenched my heart. I knew she was hurting but I couldn't do anything. I've never felt this helpless.  I missed her smiling face. The way her eyes shined every time I gave up In front of her. She has a habit of scrunching her nose when smiling. Her dimples are a bit different. One appears on her left cheek and another on her right cheekbone. I remember the urge to kiss them and how I controlled myself.
I peeped inside through the rooftop that I repaired for her. Few cracks were open. She was asleep. Her head was on top of the bed while she was sitting on the floor. Her arms were covering her shivering. The night was cold and the fire wasn't ignited. I saw the food that I brought for her last night was still untouched. Why is she so stubborn? I went inside through the door keeping my steps unheard as possible. I replaced the bowl of fruits with fresher ones. A wind howled inside and she shivered again. I bent on her level. Her cheeks were stained with dried tears. Her face was blanched and her lips were dried. 

Am I doing right?    

I inched closer to her face and kissed her tear stain slowly. I'm sorry. She was hurt before but I broke her and it made my heart clutched. Like a vine shackling my heart in its clutches. Its thorns prick in my heart making it bleed. She squirmed under my touch. I quickly retreated and before she could see me I left the cottage. Her strained face awakened the poignant memories of those days when she was smiling, the gleam in her eyes whenever I told her the stories of my ancestors. That mischievous smile she offered whenever I gave in to her. Her blushed face was under the moon. She was still here but none of the other things were. I realized how these small things matter in our lives but we don't cherish them until we lose them. She was slowly getting happy but I snatched her that happiness. I did wrong with both of us. 

I didn't think I would be among them who had hurt her.

"There are plenty of ways to die, but only love can kill and keep you alive to feel it."

                                                                                                                                                               Leo Christopher

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