𝑴𝒚 𝑩𝒐𝒚 𝑪𝒓𝒖𝒔𝒉 ♡︎

changed feelings?

Namjoon was standing oh the belcony staring at the sky ..
Thinking about how everything changed.. he can't sleep now even though he's really tired.. namjoon took out a diary and went through it.. He saw his own words..

In past..

He wrote something in his diary as a habit.. he has always write down his problems there .... He was even hesitant to face everyone..  he shouldn't think like that.. he shouldn't feel like this.. few days have passed since they did their concert..

Namjoon was truly fighting with himself.. he always had a beautiful bonding with the members.. after all it's the members who were struggling with him .. who was always there for him.. but recently he found himself thinking about one certain member the most. At first it was normal to him.. after all he's the maknae.. everyone is fond of him. Six of them has the softest spot for jungkookie.. probably everyone will become biased for the maknae.. but the problem is he's the leader.. he can't be biased.. it's not good for his team..

Still

It was normal until it was just being fond of the maknae.. but he recently found himself thinking about jungkook a bit more..
Even the tiniest detail about him namjoon would notice and admire .. he couldn't help but feel butterflies in his stomach whenever he was around jungkook.. being with jungkook was like exciting feeling of warm comfort.. it was a feeling of safety and happiness wrapped up in a bundle of nerves, butterflies and adoration whenever he was with jungkook.. he tried to make excuses to spend some time with him.. he would try to do something he probably never liked just to get some time with him.. seeing the maknae happy is the best feeling to him. Jungkook's giggle was something he can hear all day long.. he found himself thinking about jungkook while writing lyrics.. and everytime he think of jungkook he found himself smiling without any reason.. talking to jungkook was like a warm blanket that he would never wanted to take off..

And in their concert this year .. when jungkook was performing his solo song .. and the members were taking rest for a while only namjoon was there watching jk's performance with shiny eyes that was full of love .. his heart beat in a different way that time .. his heart skipped a beat by the view.. he felt something in his heart.. his breath become heavier at that moment.. he immediately came back to calm himself down ..

When the members asked him if he's ok or not he said he's fine.. but he wasn't.. still he has to stay normal till the show ends..

After their concert.. namjoon came back to hotel.. heart racing on his chest..
He couldn't breathe.. he drank two glasses of water.. but he couldn't be calm.. so he went to washroom and turned on the shower.. he stand under the shower.. let the water washed all the thoughts he's having now.. but when he closed his eyes Jungkook's face showed up in front of his eyes.. he immediately opened his eyes.. shocked by himself..

"No ..no.. no.. it's not like that.. it can't happen.. I can't let this happen" namjoon whispered to himself..

He finally realised that he has fallen for the maknae and the realisation was like a slap on his face..

He looked at the mirror.. not recognising his reflection on it..

"You're the leader.. you need to keep everything organised.. you can't let these feelings win kim namjoon" he said to his reflection on the mirror..

Namjoon got a fear of being biased because of his feelings now.. he feared that he will destroy the dynamic of the team if he fall for jungkook.. he couldn't let himself feel this way.. he should keep their needs as a team before his desire..
He feared that he won't be able to be a good leader..
But he knew really well that no one has control over love. And he had let himself fall for him..

He sit there under the shower.. hugging his knees close to his chest and crying.. the water of shower covered his tears but nothing can cover the pain he was feeling.. 

The next two days before returning to Seoul.. namjoon ignored spending time with jungkook but it hurts him more.. he couldn't even talk to anyone about it.. but then he got a call from his best friend Jackson.. Jackson sensed the pain in his voice even though namjoon was trying to hide it. Jackson called him to his house and namjoon couldn't say no.. after the leader went to spend time with his best friend.. Jackson made sure to hear everything from namjoon and comfort him .. he convinced namjoon that no one has control over love and it's definitely not a crime to fall in love with someone.. he also said that he trusts namjoon that he will never be unfair with his team.. he'll be the best leader.. so namjoon should give a chance to his feelings..

End of flashbacks..

Since that day namjoon is taking it slow.. trying to be more open before he confess his feelings..

Namjoon was thinking everything that happened.. how he wrote everything in that diary... He looked at the starry sky and it reminds him of Jungkook's eyes.. and he smiled as he remembered the maknae..

___________ vote & comment ____________

Hello my lovely flower..
So
So
So
Joon was in love with our kookoo..
I mean how he can't?
Kook is so adorable..
And loves him so much..

Anyway.. please vote.. because if it gets less than 10 votes I'm not writing anymore..

Bye. 💜💙

Also .. this is the first story that i started writing and you guys are reading it from the beginning.. so do you guys think that my writing has improved or not? Is it still bad?