Open Diary: Back To The Previous

REPULSION

*PRESENT DAY: 18th December, 2023*

*BACK TO THE PREVIOUS: July 1st, 2023*

Dear Reader,

On July 1st, 2023, a random thought struck me: poetry was my sole obsession. No other addictions gripped me, prompting contemplation on whether I could ever truly love someone. Everything and everyone else merely held my fleeting attention. People placed too many conditions upon me, resulting in repulsion despite any initial attraction. Apologizing for intentional actions became an enigma. I've loved only once, harbored fondness often, but interest waned after every confession.

Perhaps you assume my heart had been shattered in the past, leading me to vow never to love again. If such assumptions arise, they're not far from the truth. My heart did endure fractures before, but never did I vow not to love. It seems my system underwent modifications following all that hurt, perceiving love as a virus, with elimination as the only preventive measure against self-destruction.

Dear Reader, on July 1st, 2023, I pondered if genuine love was within my capacity. Love became a mere notion, and everything associated with it felt less cliché, existing solely within my imagination.