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"Cinnamon Girl" by Lana Del Rey ♪

Hao sighs in frustration as he watches Seo Jun smile at him before turning back to his friends, completely ignoring him.

It's been like this for a few weeks now, their relationship on and off every second. They speak, laugh, and sometimes though barely hang out outside of school. That's only occasionally in the lucky days. Somedays, Hao watches the boy he likes from afar, craving for any eye contact, any sign of speech, or any moment to have the opportunity to look at him. It's embarrassing how much he craves attention, staying up nights without sleep just thinking about the boy.

It's funny, in a certain way. Seo Jun isn't just any boy. He isn't just any crush. He is Hao's situationship. They know they like each other. They've said so themselves. Yet, nothing has changed in their relationship since then.

It's the same as before Hao initially told Seo Jun that he liked him; just admiring from afar, and on the lucky days, talking to him for only a few minutes. It's almost as if his confession never even happened, which is exactly what Hao hates about this situation

Is it wrong if he finds any other guy cute? It's not like they're in a relationship or anything. Is it wrong though? They technically confessed to each other. Would it be considered as cheating?

To be honest, that doesn't really matter to Hao, since he only has eyes for Seo Jun. But still, the simple thought of not knowing frustrates him.

"You good?" Ricky asks as he sits beside Hao. Hao only hums before looking back at Seo Jun, who is currently shoving his friend lightly with a laugh. Hao feels a small smile crawl up his own face, simply looking at Jun's happiness

"Eat your lunch, Hao. You're acting like a schoolgirl girl" Gunwook mumbles before taking a large bite of his dessert

"How can I not-" Hao starts, but Matthew interrupts him, addressing Gunwook

"Are you eating your dessert first?" he asks with a disgusted face. Gunwook scoffs

"As if you haven't done that before" 

Hao sighs as he blocks off his friend's bickering before looking at Gyuvin, who has the same facial expression. Today is not the day in which Hao dares be happy about his friend's stupid arguments. Clearly, Gyuvin isn't in the mood either.

Except, they're both in different situations. Gyuvin currently doesn't have any problem with love, now that he's been dating Ricky for two months now. They're doing just fine, and haven't had any problems for the time being other than their continuous friendly bickering. No, Gyuvin is only in a bad mood because his friends raided all of his food and ate it before he could even look at it. What can Hao say, their friend group is huge. 

Normally, at least in their high school, most of the people tend to have a small friend group. They rely on them until the end. Nevertheless, to say the least, Hao barely knows anything about most of the people that he is currently sitting with. Of course, he knows Ricky, Gunwook, and Matthew the most, since they've been friends since middle school. Everyone else is a complete stranger to him

Take Gyuvin for an example. The large friend group had only been initiated after Ricky and Gyuvin started dating. Gyuvin doesn't leave Ricky's side, only leaving his friends to follow him around.

If Hao had to choose someone who he talked to the most out of Gyuvin's friends, it would be Hanbin. Even then, he doesn't know much about the guy. He only knows him because they're in almost all the same classes, and had to work on a few school projects together. Other than that, Hao has no idea who he really is. For him, just a classmate

Now, Taerae, Jiwoong, and Yujin are the only ones that Hao has never even talked to other than at most two times. They never speak to him, and keep to themselves. Hao sometimes even forgets that they're there since they don't bother to speak up when they're in a full group.

Of course, they all know some facts about each other, but it's nothing much.

"Earth to Hao? Haoooo~" Matthew says, flinging his hands close to Hao's face. The boy blinks before looking at his friend

"What?" he snaps. Matthew rolls his eyes

"I was about to offer you some of my cheesecake... but I guess you're not in the mood..." Matthew says, eyeing his friend mischievously. Hao jumps up from his seat and runs towards Matthew's side of the table, extending his arm to him

"Give me the fucking cheesecake" 

"No. You're not in the mood"

"I'm in a perfectly good mood. Now, give me the cheesecake" Hao says with pleading eyes. Matthew laughs before giving it to him

"What's up with you anyway? You've been spacing out a lot these days" Ricky asks, popping a piece of candy into his mouth, then handing another one to Gyuvin

"He's on drugs" Gunwook suggests with a laugh, which doesn't last long after Hao slaps him on the head

"I'm not on drugs. I was just thinking" Hao mutters, sitting back down before taking a bite of the cheesecake

"Thinking about your boyfriend?" Matthew asks, wiggling his eyebrows tauntingly. Hao rolls his eyes, leaning further into the chair

"He's not my boyfriend"

"He likes you back" Gunwook states

"Yeah, but he's not my boyfriend"

"Then what are you?" Ricky asks with a raised eyebrow

Silence follows as Hao feels the people at the lunch table look his way in expectation. Hao can only grunt before hiding his face under his arms

Fortunately, his friends let the subject matter go and started talking about a different topic. Something about hanging out on Saturday

"You'll be coming, right Hao?" Gyuvin says

"Huh? Oh, yeah" Hao confirms, even if he doesn't know exactly where he's going. He'll just ask later. 

Hao feels a tap on his shoulder and looks up from his comfort spot, annoyed at who dared to drag him out of the peace. As he looks up, he sees Hanbin standing next to him with a small smile

"What's up?" Hao asks. Hanbin hands him a plate of cheesecake, which Hao takes gratefully but with confusion

"You only got half of Matthew's cheesecake. I figured you wanted more" Hanbin says. Hao breaks into a smile before nodding

"Thanks, Hanbin," he says. He didn't need to say more before watching Hanbin sit next to Gyuvin, only giving Hao a small smile before turning away to talk to Yujin


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first chapter yayy

(stream 'attention' by newjeans)

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