Infatuation - haobin

-7-

♪"Fourth of July" by Sufjan Stevens ♪

Hao slumps onto the cafeteria's large chair, not minding a look at his friends who stare at him with expressions of worry. 

"Tough day?" asks Gyuvin, coming up from behind them, and Hao only mumbles back. He then hears shuffling and doesn't bother to put his head up to know that Gyuvin is hugging Ricky, after three very long hours of not seeing each other.

Hao huffs at the thought, putting his two hands up to his ears, hoping not to hear any of the kind words that they will exchange at any moment now.

His head is a complete mess. Sure, he had time to think over his conversation with Jun throughout the past hours, but being at school just makes the whole situation worse. One thing is being able to cry in the warmth of the bedsheets, while another is having to hide any sort of emotions in front of strangers who he has known for years. I mean, how embarrassing would it be to cry in front of hundreds of people?

Hao feels a hand on his back and only glances up. His arched back then straightens up once his eyes meet Hanbin's, who is looking at him with his typical kind eyes and a smile that reveals his dimples.

"Hey," Hanbin whispers. Hao smiles back and gives him a nod

"Hi," he answers before completely straightening up and taking a bite of the cafeteria food. He feels Hanbin's eyes on him as he does so, but chooses to ignore them

"You seem sad" he hears Hanbin whisper, a bit louder than his last greeting. Hao looks at the boy, contemplating if he should tell him the truth.

He was never close to Hanbin, so why did he want to tell him? Maybe because the boy has already uncovered some truth in Hao's chaotic love life, or maybe because he has a kind and trusting aura to him. Whatever it is, it pisses Hao off... in the best way possible

"You don't say" Hao finally responds with a chuckle. Hanbin smiles lightly as if to show that he took the joke before it turns serious again

"What's up?" he questions. Hao looks at his friends who seem uninterested in the quiet talk between the two, speaking too loudly for Hao's liking. Hao doesn't answer Hanbin specifically quickly, focusing on poking his unappetizing food with his fork. He feels Hanbin slide his hand away from his back and onto the end of his wrist. 

"Jun, I guess" he answers a while later. He feels the breath of Hanbin's sigh on his neck and looks at him with a light smile "Nothing to worry about though"

"It's Jun... there's a lot to worry about" Hanbin answers truthfully. Hao rolls his eyes playfully, a pang in his heart threatening to make him cry. Is it something to worry about?

"He's not a bad person, Hanbin"

"I never said he was. He's a bad person for you though" Hanbin answers. Hao scoffs but doesn't answer. How can he answer when even he doesn't think that anything about their relationship is healthy?

"He just needs some space, that's all" Hao answers after a while. Hanbin hums softly

"He told you that?" he asks. Hao nods lightly

"I guess. I... I dunno" he answers, trying to keep his mind away from yesterday's events. He feels his eyes blur slowly the more he tries to avoid the memory. It's almost like a spot of colored paint within a completely white canvas; it stands out and won't leave. 

"He kind of told me that he doesn't want people to know about us... because it's embarrassing. He said he's just not ready for anything more than what we have" Hao says, surprised that he managed to say it all without breaking down crying. Yet, once he finishes his sentence, he feels a tear starting to blur his vision even more