The best arrangement: Between us...

Chapter 46 - ...And they listen

"What have we done?"

Siddharth jumped out of the bed, and helped Mekhla in reviving Neeti. She woke up, and looked around in confusion. Upon noticing Siddharth, she jolted up

"You.... you are alive?"

Siddharth looked down, guilt creeping back in. " Yeah, seems like I am..." A self depreciating chuckle followed.

" That.. before... you both.... I dreamt it all up, didn't I?" She clutched his hands, with desperation in her eyes. It goes without saying that she wanted all that to be some messed up dream. Siddharth realized that him coming back and effectively rekindling the flame in Abhishek, had thrown Neeti's predictable, stable life off the rails. The fact that the divorce had been on the cards for a long time did little to assuage his guilt. After everything, she was still his sister, a first cousin. He felt like a selfish man, for wanting his old life back. Neeti looked so shook, that Siddharth began to have doubts. Was Abhishek lying about the divorce?

" Sid, no. " Came Abhishek's voice.

"What?"

" I can hear you thinking, sweetheart. Don't go there.... You have made mistakes, but you are not the one who wronged her... " Abhishek said, looking solemn. He took a deep breath, centered himself, and looked at Neeti

" Neeti, for what it is worth, I'm sorry. Sorry for breaking this to you abruptly. You are a great woman, and I'm sorry things never worked between us."

" You could have tried.... " She said weakly, realizing where this was going. There had never been much left in their marriage, but that illusion of a happy couple had always remained. And she had deluded herself into thinking that she was happy there, with him.

" Neeti, as I told you on the day of our Gol Dhana, I'm gay, and I can not pretend to be straight. Everyone knew that, and were mocking me, and you even more, with this sham of a marriage.  I told you, that I had a partner, whom I was still grieving, and a toddler son to raise. "

Siddharth looked shocked, and Abhishek felt a twinge of anger. Did Siddharth just realize that he had left a child behind as well? Did he just conveniently forget Sam? He continued

" Well, Siddharth is that wayward partner of mine- my only love."

Mekhla had a resigned look on her face, and Neeti looked like a shell of her former self. Siddharth looked the worst, like he had seen a ghost, and was hyperventilating. Abhishek pulled him down to sit on the hospital bed, and asked "What's wrong?"

Siddharth grabbed his hands, and asked "Baby.... that... that toddler... who is it?"

What? Siddharth doesn't remember Sam? Did he.... did he lose his memories or something?

Abhishek looked into his eyes, and asked " Sid, do you not remember Sam?"

Suddenly, something broke inside Siddharth. Years worth of suppressed grief came barreling out.  He broke into tears, and muttered " How can I forget him? It was my fault... My fault that he died!!"

Abhishek was confused "Sweetheart, why do you say that?"

"BECAUSE I PUT BOTH OF US ON THAT DAMN BUS! AND OUR SON DIED IN THE BLAST, AND I.... I SURVIVED AND RAN AWAY. DID NOT HAVE THE GUTS TO EVEN COME TO HIS FU..... HIS FUNERAL!!" Siddharth yelled, and sobbed. Abhishek pulled him into his arms, and held him close. 

Mekhla, who had recovered, asked " Should I bring him here? " Abhishek nodded, and she left, taking Neeti along.

He then whispered " Sid, look at me...."

Siddharth wiped his face, and did as he was told " It was my fault, Abhi, and you should be angry at me. I... I do not deserve to be happy after what I did to my baby boy...."