Mama's Little Girls

five

Onika Maraj
5 May 2019
Atlanta, GA

"It's that time." Porsha shimmied in her seat.

"No, no." I shook my head, already knowing what my best friends were about to talk about.

"Yes!" Alani nudged me.

I just rolled my eyes.

"I just want to celebrate winning this case, ok?" I leaned over so they could both see my seriousness.

Alani waved me off and leaned forward, to say something to the driver. "Third and peachtree, please." I confusedly looked her way.

"I'm gonna—I'm gonna have to pass on the blind date." I announced to them.

"I knew she was gonna say that." Porsha muttered. "Didn't I tell you, La?"

"You're going out." Alani pressed me.

"I can't!" I replied.

"Do you know what your associates are saying about you at the office—"

I shrugged. "I don't care. Like, at all."

"They're saying that you need a man. Ok? And that you're taking it out on everyone at the office."

"Mm-hmm." Porsha backed her up. "And they also say that you'd be a nicer person if you just got laid."

"I agree." Alani raised a hand.

I hesitated my response when I heard my driver cough. I forgot her name, but she had been riding my nerves all day.

I covered my face, so it wouldn't be visible on the rear view mirror. "I don't need to get laid, as you so eloquently put it." I gritted.

"Uh, yes you do." Porsha said. "Look, we've been your friends since college. We know what you need."

"Well, if you know me so well, you'd know that I don't like blind dates." I stressed. "They all end in disaster."

"Onika, first of all, I have a very, very good feeling about this one. I do." Alani spoke with so much certainty in her voice.

—*—

"Oh it's official, Lala. I'm just waiting it out until Lewis." I spoke to my best friend over the phone.

The blind date was a complete bust and I'm pretty sure I gained trauma from the experience.

"No, this is my proclamation, Lala. I'm giving up on men."

"Why?" Alani questioned.

"Because I'm 32. I've never been married. I don't have any kids. I don't even have a cat to curl up with, and because I make 6-figures, I can't find a decent man to save my life." I rambled.

Alani sighed over the phone. "What was wrong with this guy?"

"Are you kidding me?" I scoffed. "That man had no class, La. No, he had no class! He was screaming across the restaurant for some scrimps."

"Scrimps?" She laughed.

"Yeah, scrimps." I nodded as if she could see me.

The driver was getting a kick out of my torment. I could see her body shaking in fits of laughter.

"I don't even know how to spell scrimps." I said. "That's not even the worst part."

"It gets worse?" Alani laughed even louder.

"Yeah. The man told me my lips were sexy, then he threatened to bite them off." I recited. "Not just that, but he gave a visual of how he'd do it. I am disgusted."