Mama's Little Girls

eighteen

Beyoncé Knowles
26 May 2019
Midtown Condo

I had no clue how much time had passed, but I was wide awake. When I peered at Onika's digital clock, it was still the same day.

What I did know was that Onika and I took things to the next level. It was a level of intimacy that I hadn't explored in a while.

The thing is, I now had to solely focus on my girls. Believe it or not, having sex with her wasn't my intention. Not in the slightest.

I crawled out of bed, being careful not to disturb Onika. She lay there, framed in the soft morning light. On her face was an expression so peaceful, that almost didn't recognise her as Onika.

My eyes left her and scanned the room for some items of mine. I grabbed my clothes from the floor, working to slip into the clothes Onika had laid out for me. It was a plain black sweatsuit. I appreciated it.

"Where are you going?" I heard from behind me. Still half-asleep, Onika's voice was laced in confusion.

I paused, midway through pulling on the sweatpants strings, the question she asked hung heavily in the air. A part of me wanted to respond, to tell her everything on my mind, but instead, I found myself swallowing back words, slipping into silence.

I kind of hoped she'd fall back asleep, assuming she was hallucinating.

I could feel her gaze on my back, though. The curiosity was practically radiating off of her, and I didn't even have to look at her to feel it.

I finally turned to face her. "Onika, can you give me the details for picking up the girls from child services?"

She sat up in bed, her posture stiff as I saw her wince, trying not to move her lower body, beneath the covers. "Sure." She yawned, forgetting her own previous question. "You need to go to the office on Fourth and Pine. They'll have all the paperwork. It's straightforward now."

"Nothing's ever straight." I replied quietly, reflecting on the chaos that had plagued me over the past month.

"Bey." Onika pressed, her brow furrowing. "What's going on? Where are you going?"

"Ima head home." I said, forcing a smile that I knew didn't reach my eyes.

As I pulled on my shoes, I could feel her eyes on me. I could feel her questioning me.

"Why are you leaving so soon?"

"Remember a few days ago?" I started my question. "When Keri's lawyer said all those things in court and you brushed me off when I tried to explain?"

Her expression shifted, something dark shadowing her features. "Of course, I do. But I—"

"That's why you need to understand how it made me feel when you didn't hear me out." I interrupted, my voice taking on a sharp edge. "I felt betrayed. Especially when you not only didn't listen, but you gave me a label because of it." The words tumbled out, with unresolved pain.

Onika flinched, as if I'd struck her. "It was a lot for me to take in. I didn't mean to jump to conclusions."

"Exactly, baby. You'd already made your mind up about me the second there was a rebuttal in that court room." I stated, tying my Timbs up, making sure they were tight. "I didn't appreciate that."

Her eyes widened, disbelief etching itself deeper into her face. "What are you saying? You can't just leave after saying that."

I shook my head, more so to myself. "I have to go. I need to get ready for the girls," I said firmly.