Mama's Little Girls

fifteen

Beyoncé Knowles
25 May 2019
Apartment

I'd lost the most important thing to me—my motherhood. All hope for retrieving that left when Onika left. I felt purposeless now.

I was going to stop fighting for my girls. Keri would slip up. I know she would. My daughters needed to be with me, where they were loved.

The case to get my daughters was perfect. It was faultless. Except that detail that Onika needed to help me fight against. I had tried to tell her when we first started working in her office, but I remembered her receiving a phone call that derailed my thoughts.

I couldn't blame her for that. It was my fault for not informing her straight away. Now I had to live with the consequences.

My eyes were glued to my phone, as I lay sprawled on my back, on my couch. I flipped the device in my hand, over and over again. There was only one person I wanted to call.

I practiced what I could possibly say, in the unlikely event that she'd pick up. "I just want to say—" I cut myself off, annoyed with my choice of wording.

I knew Onika. If my first two words didn't interest her, she would hang up. The fact that it was me calling would make her hang up so much faster.

I dialled the number and was disappointed to hear: "Hi, this is Nicki. Leave a message."

I was blocked.

I huffed, running my hand over my face. This is what it felt like to hit rock bottom. Despite the physical light in the room, everything around me was dark. I'd lost the actual lights that mattered.

When I shut my eyes to try arrange my thoughts, a knock sounded off at my front door.

"Who that?" I called out asking.

The knocking continued, becoming more frantic. My brows knitted and I rose from the couch, reaching for my digital clock. I picked it up, reading it was 3 in the morning.

3 in the morning?

The knocking didn't stop and I hesitantly approached the door. Due to my lack of peephole, I couldn't try catch a glance of whoever thought it was ok to knock at my door this late. I took a pause before opening the door.

With only a slither of the door open, I recognised my girls out there. They all looked disheveled, cold and scared. My features softened, immediately. "What y'all doing here?"

I grabbed Raiya, pulling her into my apartment, as she was the closest. Then the rest of the girls. I made sure to scan behind them, checking for anything weird outside.

"What are y'all doing here? Huh?" I asked again, finally closing the door to lock the heat inside. "Where your mom at?"

The girls got seated, where I'd previously been sprawled. The three of their heads hung, as their eyes stayed glued to the floor.

"What happened, JJ? What happened?" I questioned my oldest, knowing she'd never be irresponsible enough to drag her baby sisters out without reason. "Huh?" I ran my thumb over Raiya and Akira's cheeks, feeling how ice cold they were.

"Momma, we don't really care what the judge says." Jadah's eyes met mine, and I could see the exhaustion that had been building up. "We just want to be with you."

Raiya's sniffle caught my attention and I watched as her lips quivered. "I'm staying here." Her little voice cracked.

"How did y'all get here?" My hands raised to wipe the tears that cascaded down Akira's face.

"We walked." Akira said.

"Y'all walked at 3 o'clock in the morning?" My disbelief was evident.

The three of them nodded. "We can't stay there anymore, momma." Akira shook her head, frowning deeply. "I'm sorry."