The Best Regret [BxBxB+]

EIGHT | REWIND

TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM, PTSD EPISODES, SELF SABOTAGE, SUICIDE ATTEMPT.

It's been three months since I arrived, and during that time, I got to spend time with the others. My mom and dad sent me a few letters here and there, but I never opened them. I was too upset. Disgusted, at that.

Otherwise, the three months here weren't all smooth. There were bumps with the others here and there; of course, this place wasn't just for gay people but was for people who suffer mental illnesses.

MARCH 2ND

I was watching a show and eating my favorite snack in my room when I heard a loud thump. I jumped and wondered if I should check it out. I decided against it and continued to eat. For some reason, it was strangely quiet today. Some boys went into town, and I didn't want to go.

While continuing my show, I heard a loud, horrid scream. "LIAM!! LIAM, WAKE UP, WAKE UP!!" At that, I slammed my laptop and ran to the noise source. It was next door, and what I saw was something I never wanted to see myself.

Liam is on the floor, pale and not breathing. Paxton had him in his arms, sobbing his eyes out. He checked his pulse, and there was none. I looked next to him and saw a bottle of pills spilled onto the floor.

"ELIAS! CALL 911! NOW!" The voice was Paxton, doing CPR. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't move. I was shaking with fear. All I could think about was, 'Is this what my parents did when I attempted? Were they this scared, this worried?'

Liam is... it can't be.

"ELIAS!" Paxton roared. I jumped out of my thoughts and rushed to a phone. My trembling hands tapped the phone when I saw tears on the phone. Was it... raining? I gasped, feeling my cheeks wet with tears. I called 911, and they answered.

"911, what is the location of your emergency?"

It was a blur after that. The ambulance took him, and they told us only one person could come on the ambulance. Paxton went, which meant I was alone in the house. I didn't know what to do, so I sat on the couch, staring into space for hours—nothing going on in my brain. Just rethinking the scene of Liam's lifeless, limp body. I felt burning on my hands, and that's when I realized I was cutting my skin with my nails. I couldn't stop. It was soothing.

The boys came home, and I blankly stared at them. They all were crying. I didn't see Taylor, though. I assume he went to the hospital. I hear them yelling, going crazy. They weren't themselves at all.

Chase was sobbing his eyes out; he had his hands to his face.

"If only I hadn't gone, this wouldn't have happened. I should've been there for him!"

"Liam is dead.. he has to be, right?"

"Shut the fuck up, he isn't dead!"

"All of you shut the fuck up!"

"He's going to die and it's all my fault!"

"I love you, but I am going to kill you right now if you don't shut up."

"Im going to my room."

"No, you're not allowed! Don't even try."

All the noise is making me shake. I wanted to say something, but I couldn't. Nothing will come out of my mouth. I choked and grabbed onto my heart. I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. I can't... steady my breathing.

"Elias, shit, Elias!"

I fall onto the ground, and everything became blurry.

"Elias! Elias! Shit, I'm so sorry honey."