Today Marks the 5th Year

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The rest of the car ride went by pretty quickly. By the minute I began to feel sick to my stomach and grow nervous over what my mom might say or do. The boys chatted while I began to play scenarios through my head what might happen. "You doing okay Y/N?" Georg questioned, I snapped out of my thoughts quickly. "Yeah, just nervous." I admitted, Georg nodded. "Why are you nervous?" Bill asked, "Mrs.Vanderbilt made me call my mom after class because I was, "not behaving, and disrupting the class." I said quoting with my fingers. "I see." Bill began to think, "Well I'm sure your mom will understand." Bill smiled, "I sure hope so." I sighed, "Don't sweat it Y/N. Your mom's cool." Gustav smiled.

I nodded. My mom loved Gustav and Georg she espically loved them because they were the first friends I had made at school. Sure I made others but they were her favorites. She offered them to come over for dinner once in a while, which was really nice. "Yeah, but trust me you don't wanna see her when she's mad..." I shivered at the thought, we shortly pulled up to my house. My heartbeat quickened. I took a big deep breath. Bill opened the car door holding it open for me. "Thank you Bill." I smiled, "Anytime!" He smiled, his cheeks rising with his sweet smile. "Well wish me luck, see you guys!" I waved to everyone, as Bill made his way into the car. "See Ya, Y/N!" Georg waved, "Bye!" Gustav waved, "Nice meeting you Y/N." Bill waved, "See you tomorrow!" Tom waved. The boys pulled away. I walked up to the side walk making my way to the brown house infront of me walking past the lawn through the concreate pathway in the middle. On the left side and right side of the path way were stones I had aligned up to the front steps of the house when I was younger out of boredom. I'm glad I left them there it felt like a gift from my younger self. It was like a little reminder of her. I walked through the pathway reaching the porches steps. I stepped up the 4 stairs walking up to the door. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in hesitantly reaching my hand to the handle. I opened the door quickly yet softly quickly making my way inside before chickening out. The worst part was that the door was open meaning my mom was home meaning there wasnt a choice or excuse not to talk to her.

If she wasn't home I could've took the key from under the mat and laid it on the table instead of underneath mat outside. Giving the idea that I was exhausted. I could have left my shoes infront of the door and forced myself to sleep to give myself another day to plan what I might say to her. But nope. That plan wasn't on the list.

I closed the door behind me. I took off my shoes placing them on the white shoe rack next to the rest of my shoes. My mother's was across from mine her's a a beige color. I walked to the living room to see my mom on the couch reading a book.

"Hey mom." I gulped, as my mom looked up from her book to me. "Y/N?" "Yes mom?" "Tell me why I got a phone call from you today in class telling me you're misbehaving." "Mom..."
"Y/N, I don't think you realize how embarrassing that was." she rose from the couch, "Having to take a phone call in the middle of a important meeting." "Mom, I know and I'm sor-" I was cut off, "Y/N you're 15 years old I except better from you. You're a really smart kid I know you, you know that this isn't the behavior I except from you." I nodded, "Mom-" She cut me off again, "I'm really dispointed in you Y/N! I really am! And to know that your teacher had you call me is really really embarrassing." "Mom please just lis-" "Why are you acting this way, you know I've noticed you've been acting more difficult lately is it because of Georg and Gustav? I thought they were really nice boys. Is this about your father? What is-" "MOM!" I screamed, I had snapped. "YOU DONT EVER LISTEN TO ME AND WHEN I TRY TO EXPLAIN TO YOU, YOU JUST TALK OVER ME. I TRY MY BEST I KNOW ITS EMBARRASSING FOR YOU BUT DO YOU EVER THINK ITS EMBARASSING FOR ME TO HEAR YOU SAY HOW MUCH I EMBARASS YOU. IM TRYING MY BEST AND I KNOW THAT I'M 15 YEARS OLD. I AM TRYING SO HARD TO BE GOOD AND PERFECT FOR YOU. ITS NOT GEORG AND GUSTAV. THEY'RE THE NICEST FRIENDS IVE MADE HERE. ITS NOT DAD EITHER. YOU DONT EVER WANNA LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY TO YOU!-" I yelled, "DONT YOU YELL AT ME, Y/N!" She screamed, "I'VE BEEN BEING DIFFICULT LATELY? NO YOU'VE BEEN MOM!" Her face grew shocked, angry, quiet.

"TODAY MARKS THE 5TH YEAR SINCE YOU AND DAD GOT A DIVORCE, I FEEL LIKE EVER SINCE YOU GOT A DIVORCE YOU SHUT A DOOR ON ME. A DOOR FROM MY MOM THAT I USED TO KNOW, YOU'VE GROWN TOUGHER ON ME AND COLDER AND WHEN WE GET IN FIGHTS ITS LIKE I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE!"
I Screamed, tears threatening my eyes. "I DONT THINK YOU REALIZE HOW DIFFICULT YOUR DIVORCE WITH DAD HAS BEEN ON ME! I KNOW ITS HARD FOR YOU TOO BUT YOU NEVER CARE TO ASK HOW IT MADE ME FEEL AND IF I WAS EVER OKAY." Tears fell fast as I yelled at her, her face grew pale her eyes tearing up too. I fought with my mom even after their divorce. Never like this though. She grew quiet. "Go to your room." Her voice shook, as tears pierced her eyes, "Mom...I'm sorry-" "GO TO YOUR ROOM!" She pointed up the steps anger raising in her voice. I looked at her before tears spilled down my face. I ran upstairs. To my room slamming the door. I ran to my bed laying on it as I grabbed a pillow and screamed into it before crying into it. My body shook with every cry that I let out. What I had told my mom was how I had felt after their divorce, everything I said I meant, I did feel like she closed a door on me after they got a divorce. Like she toughened herself up causing her to try and toughen me up too.

I didn't hate my mom I loved her, I just wish her and my dad didn't get a divorce and that things could be the way they used to be with the three of us. I don't know why I acted the way I did now. Maybe I was hurt, or sick of living life how I did. Maybe I acted the way I did to get my mom to atleast notice me again. I don't know. I cried and cried. I cried into my pillow breathing in heavy sobs.

As I grew older I think it hurt more and more realizing the years that went by. I closed my eyes tight attempting to calm myself down. The room was quiet. Calm. I heard a knock on my window. I ignored it, it was probably the branches knocking on the window from the cold wind. I heard it knock a second time louder. It was a heavy knock, not a knock from a branch. I looked up and walked to my window to see two familiar figures sitting on the branch gesturing me to unlock the window.

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