Shattered Asylum

Chapter 38

Listen to this song while reading<3

I left school before anyone could talk to me, not even stopping to grab my backpack from my locker. I didn't want to face them.

I run upstairs before my grandparents could get a good look at me, my heart pounding in my chest.

I slam the bathroom door shut and lock it, the click of the lock a small relief, like I could keep the world out for a little while.

I turn on the shower, the roar of the water filling the room, but it isn't enough to drown out the noise in my head.

I pull my shirt off and flinch, hissing as the fabric drags against the welts on my back.

When I catch my reflection in the mirror, I freeze. The fresh gashes run across my skin, angry and red, layered over the faint scars that came before them.

A sob rises in my throat, but I swallow it down, forcing myself to breathe.

I steady myself, forcing a deep breath, before stepping into the shower. The water beat down on me, and I bite down on my knuckles, trying to muffle the screams that claw at the back of my throat.

Every drop of water felt like fire on my bruised, raw skin, but it was nothing compared to the storm inside me.

I scrub at my body like I could was away the past, the shame, the disgust, anything to make it stop.

I prepare myself before I wash between my legs, bracing for the sting that followed. My breath hitches in my throat, the pain sharp and relentless, but I had to keep going.

I have to scrub every inch of myself until I am clean, until I don't feel broken anymore.

When I finish, I collapse into the bottom of the tub, curling my knees to my chest as the water pours down on me.

I stayed there until the heat ran out, the cold spray soaking me to the bone. Even then, I didn't want to move. I wanted to stay there forever, let the water drown out the hate and disgust clawing at me.

When I finally get out, I don't have the energy to do anything but collapse onto my bed, my wet hair soaking into the pillow. I don't bother changing or drying off. My body aches, my mind feels hollow, and all I want is to disappear.

That's when my phone starts.

Ding.
Ding.
Ding.

The sound of notifications cut through the silence, each one sharper than the last. I clench my jaw, my chest tightening as it keeps going. Nora. Kristina. Vinnie. Nora. Again and again, their names flash across the screen.

Ding.
Ding.

I can't take it anymore. I snatch the phone off my nightstand and stare at the screen, my hand trembling.

Nora: "Aven, please talk to me."
Kristina: "I'm worried. Answer me."
Vinnie: "Hey A.W. Are you okay? Nora is pretty worried."
Nora: "Just tell me you're okay."

The messages blur together as tears sting my eyes. My stomach twisting, the frustration bubbling to the surface until it snaps.

I turn off my phone and throwing it onto the nightstand, my hands shaking. The room falls quiet again, but it isn't comforting. The silence was just as loud.

I curl under my blanket, pulling it tight around me. My body still burns, the aches settling deep in my bones, but I don't care anymore. I pop a sleeping pill into my mouth, swallowing it dry.

The notifications echo in my head, the sound still buzzing even though the phone is off. I turn on my TV, flipping to a random ASMR video on YouTube.

The faint noises fill the room, gentle tapping, soft whispers, something to drown out the chaos in my mind.